


Only Fools (Rush In)

by ProsperDemeter



Series: 20 Days of Holiday Fics [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Band Fic, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Single Parents, Slow Burn, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27247948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProsperDemeter/pseuds/ProsperDemeter
Summary: “By the way, you sound nothing like I imagined.”“Is that a bad thing?” The pen tapped out a beat without a rhythm and Harry was no musician but it matched the beat of his heart.“No,” Harley said, the word softer and it was a quick rebuttal, meant to dispute any doubt that Harry had clouding his mind. “That’s wonderful.”--Life hasn't been easy on Harry Osborn and when his best friend Peter decides to set him up he's not exactly on board with the plan. But single dad, guitarist Harley Keener is nothing if not persistent and ever so slowly they start to fall in love.A chat AU with interspersed narrative - aka my specialty.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener/Harry Osborn, Harry Osborn & Peter Parker, Liz Allan & Harry Osborn, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Series: 20 Days of Holiday Fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035498
Comments: 35
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let's do another chat fic - said no one. 
> 
> Let's do a chat fic with a pairing that no one reads - said even fewer people (because no one reads it). 
> 
> Let's write pure romance? 
> 
> I have zero excuse - please enjoy. 😊

**_Perpetual Annoyance_ **

**Peter:** hey

**Peter:** friendly reminder that you love me

**Harry:** Peter no

**Peter:** Peter yes

**Peter:** listen

**Peter:** you’re just going to have to trust me

**Harry:** no

**Harry:** i don’t trust you as far as i can throw you

**Harry:** which isn’t far i’m very weak

**Peter:** lame

**Peter:** our childhood friendship means nothing to you

**Harry:** we are no longer children 

**Peter:** why are you insulting me so much today

**Peter:** i’m trying to do you a favor here

**Harry:** i didn’t  _ ask _ for the favor

**Peter:** but i know how much you want it

**Harry:** no Peter

**Harry:** i  _ don’t _ want it 

**Harry:** i’ve told you i  _ don’t _ want it

**Peter:** boo 

**Peter:** let me work my magic to make you happy

**Harry:** i am happy

**Peter:** says the guy with clinical depression

**Harry:** bitch doesn’t look good on you, Parker

**Peter:** liar everything looks good on me

**Harry:** MJ lies to you

**Peter:** you’re just jealous i’m prettier than you

**Harry:** there is no one physically on this earth prettier than me  _ except _ MJ

**Peter:** oh valid

**Peter:** and  **_me_ **

**Harry:** remember when you had no ego

**Harry:** life was so much better when it wasn’t there

**Peter:** you’re mean 

**Harry:** that’s always been a constant

**Peter:** anyway

**Peter:** he’s 26, southern, a musician, dad, and waiter

**Harry:** Peter

**Harry:** i said no

**Peter:** i gave him your number

**Harry:** _ why _

**Peter:** because he needs a better paying job

**Peter:** and  _ you _ need to get laid

**Harry:** Peter Benjamin

**Peter:** don’t full name me

**Peter:** be  _ nice _ when he texts you

**Peter:** i know how hard that is for you

**Peter:** so if you need i’ll just  _ slide _ over and help

**Harry:** why didn’t  _ you _ just give the guy a job

**Peter:** he’s not my type, smh

**Harry:** but he’s  _ mine?! _

**Peter:** very much yours

**Harry:** i don’t have a type

**Peter:** liar

**Peter:** your type is the kind of person that doesn’t take one look at your name, money, or status and either run or try to use you

**Peter:** and smart, funny, and taller than you

**Peter:** also me

**Peter:** but we tried that and it was weird

**Harry:** plus MJ

**Peter:** plus MJ

**Peter:** trust me

**Peter:** this will work out

**Harry:** and when it doesn’t

**Peter:** i will allow you to be the eternal bachelor in sadness you always wanted to be

**Harry:** fine

**Peter:** really?

**Harry:** i’ll be nice

**Peter:** oh god you better

**Peter:** i’ll hear all about it

**Harry:** how do you even know this guy

**Peter:** he was our waiter at breakfast

**Harry:** so you  _ don’t _ know this guy

**Peter:** hey!

**Peter:** i know  _ enough _

**Harry:** to give some rando my personal cell phone number 

**Peter:** yep!

**Harry:** fuck you, Parker

**Peter:** MJ says only she can be there

**Harry:** ew

**_Unknown_ **

**Unknown:** hey this may sound weird

**Harry:** off to a wonderful start

**Unknown:** god you answered fast

**Unknown:** Peter didn’t just give me a random number right

**Harry:** depends

**Harry:** what’s your favorite sci-fi show

**Harry:** there  _ are _ wrong answers

**Unknown:** way to put on the pressure

**Harry:** way to not answer the question

**Unknown:** _ yikes _

**Unknown:** okay

**Unknown:** let me think

**Harry:** i am quaking in anticipation

**Unknown:** you missed the opportunity to reference Rocky Horror and I will never forgive that

**Harry:** oh so sad

**Harry:** this was over wonderfully quick then

**Unknown:** wait wait wait

**Unknown:** I  _ guess _ I can allow it

**Harry:** don’t go doing me any favors

**Unknown:** _ don’t go breaking my heart _

**Harry:** bye

**Unknown:** damn my kid is better at conversation than you

**Harry:** adios

**Unknown:** hola

**Unknown:** oh wow you actually left

**Unknown:** lmao

**Unknown:** petty

**Unknown:** space show: Doctor Who is the shit

**Unknown:** sci-fi: idk probably Eureka

**Unknown:** did I pass?

**Harry:** maybe

**Unknown:** does that actually mean yes

**Unknown:** it’s cool I like a challenge

**Harry:** oh man you  _ just  _ failed

**Unknown:** oh I only fail if you don’t text me again

**Unknown:** we’ll see how long this lasts

**Harry:** you see there’s this thing called toxic masculinity

**Harry:** i don’t know if you’ve heard of it

**Harry:** but it happens when guys like  _ you _ text either other guys or  _ worse _ , women, and think a line like “i like a challenge” will actually  _ work _

**Unknown:** but you texted back

**Harry:** insulting your target isn’t attractive

**Unknown:** did I insult you? 

**Harry:** Peter said you wanted a job. 

**Unknown:** I have a job 

**Unknown:** multiple jobs actually

**Harry:** lovely 

**Harry:** good for you

**Unknown:** okay I’ll turn off the jackass for a bit

**Unknown:** let’s start over

**Unknown:** hi I’m Harley 

**Unknown:** Peter Parker gave me your number and said that you’re nicer than that Ice Queen front you like to put up

**Unknown:** I saw you at the diner I work at one night and you looked stupid stressed and my daughter, maybe you remember her - just learned to walk, says boo a lot, blonde, adorable - spilled her milk all on your fancy expensive pants

**Unknown:** and I wanted to offer to pay you for the dry cleaning

**Harry:** you don’t have to pay for anything 

**Harry:** accidents happen and she’s a kid

**Harry:** don’t worry about it

**Unknown:** you see

**Unknown:** I’ve  _ been _ worried about it

**Harry:** trust me i have more than enough money to pay one ten dollar dry cleaning charge for milk on silk

**Unknown:** nice rhyme

**Unknown:** let me at least buy you a coffee

**Harry:** seriously don’t worry about it

**Unknown:** flowers?

**Unknown:** I’ll even send them to your office for you

**Harry:** please don’t

**Unknown:** but I  _ could _

**Unknown:** should I just address them to the Ice Queen CEO 

**Harry:** you’ve done your research

**Unknown:** no contrary to what your theory on my toxic masculinity is I don’t  _ actually _ have time to creep on you

**Unknown:** Peter told me

**Harry:** i’m beginning to think you and Peter are much better acquainted than he told me

**Unknown:** we were roommates in college

**Harry:** of course you were

**Unknown:** I take it he said we just met

**Harry:** something like that

**Harry:** listen forget about the pants, it’s  _ pants. _ i have plenty

**Unknown:** let me get you a coffee or something

**Harry:** sorry my schedule’s a little busy

**Unknown:** and mine isn’t? I have a kid and two jobs

**Unknown:** it’s the least I can do

**Harry:** the least you can do is stop texting me  **[deleted]**

**Harry:** one coffee

**Unknown:** perfect! 

**Unknown:** when is it good for you

**Harry:** i’m free in like twenty minutes 

**Unknown:** I can take my break then

**Unknown:** is the diner okay? I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave

**Harry:** that’s fine

**Unknown:** cool

**Unknown:** see you in around twenty

**Harry:** see you

**Unknown:** I hate to be this person

**Harry:** don’t worry about it 

**Harry:** shit just started at the office anyway

**Unknown:** if she wasn’t sick

**Harry:** kids come first

**Unknown:** I’ll make it up to you I promise

**Harry:** don’t worry about it

**Unknown:** is everything at the office okay

**Unknown:** like it’s nothing terrible right

**Harry:** just an hr problem

**Unknown:** someone send nudes

**Harry:** wow you’ve worked in many offices

**Unknown:** lmao really? They did?

**Harry:** oui

**Harry:** yes

**Harry:** company wide

**Unknown:** oh no

**Harry:** careful not to hit reply all when sending scandalous photos to your coworker

**Unknown:** _ oh noooo _

**Harry:** how’s the kid

**Unknown:** Beth just a little under the weather

**Unknown:** doc gave us some cold meds and told me to monitor her temp but she should be okay

**Unknown:** kid’s almost always sick with something

**Harry:** babies do have weak immune systems

**Unknown:** do you know that through your extensive amount of time spent around babies

**Harry:** i know that through my biotech company and doctorate in biology

**Unknown:** _all right all right_ _we flexin’_

**Unknown:** I see how it is

**Unknown:** my measly high school diploma means nothing

**Harry:** ha

**Harry:** you didn’t hear that from me

**Unknown:** _ ouch _

**Unknown:** thanks for being understanding about canceling

**Harry:** it’s coffee

**Harry:** i have a coffee maker in my office

**Unknown:** not the fancy decanter and wine? 

**Unknown:** or are you more of a whiskey guy?

**Harry:** i don’t drink

**Unknown:** commendable

**Unknown:** hey do you still hate Peter for giving me your number

**Harry:** that’s up for debate

**Unknown:** let me know if it changes?

**Harry:** sure

**Unknown:** how kind

**Unknown:** hey are you still up

**Unknown:** sorry if you’re not

**Unknown:** Beth just can’t sleep so neither can I and I lack friends with bad sleep schedules

**Harry:** i’m still up

**Harry:** does she have a fever

**Unknown:** no just a cough

**Unknown:** and she doesn’t feel good so she’s keeping herself awake

**Harry:** does she use the bottle still

**Unknown:** only when she’s sleeping

**Harry:** is she stuffy?

**Unknown:** yeah her lip’s all red

**Harry:** got any aquaphor?

**Unknown:** yeah?

**Harry:** rub it on the area above her lip to keep that spot hydrated

**Harry:** you can put two salt water nose drops in each nostril a few times a day to loosen up the mucus - disgusting but it’ll make it easier for her to breathe

**Unknown:** and you say you don’t have kids

**Harry:** i don’t 

**Unknown:** just run a company and have a doctorate

**Unknown:** why did you ask about the bottle?

**Harry:** oh

**Harry:** if you don’t have a heating pad you could use warm water wrapped in a blanket or something for her to hold something warm and see if that knocks her out

**Unknown:** parenting hacks

**Unknown:** from someone that’s not a parent

**Unknown:** I accept them all thank you

**Unknown:** why are you up at 3 in the morning

**Unknown:** busy bachelor things?

**Harry:** business won’t run itself

**Unknown:** you’re still at work?

**Harry:** no i’m at home

**Harry:** i have a conference call with China at 4am though so if i don’t wake up now i’ll sleep through it

**Unknown:** a conference call with China

**Unknown:** how rich sounding

**Harry:** well i  _ am _ rich

**Unknown:** what’s your favorite flower

**Harry:** please don’t buy me flowers

**Unknown:** do you ever just answer a question

**Harry:** no

**Unknown:** please?

**Harry:** i don’t know i don’t stare at flowers daily

**Unknown:** boo boring

**Unknown:** mine are limoniums 

**Unknown:** don’t ask me why 

**Harry:** i don’t even know what those are

**Unknown:** google is a wonderful thing

**Harry:** i’m pretty sure if i try to google with my apple phone it will combust

**Unknown:** oh that would be a hilarious 

**Unknown:** also? Iphone? Disgusting

**Unknown:** I thought you were a man with class

**Harry:** you thought wrong

**Unknown:** all I’ve watched since midnight is Bubble Guppies 

**Harry:** what

**Unknown:** are they fish or mermaids

**Unknown:** I can’t figure it out

**Harry:** mermaids are just part fish

**Unknown:** no they’re

**Unknown:** they’re

**Unknown:** _ shit  _

**Harry:** there you go

**Harry:** i have this meeting

**Harry:** get some sleep 

**Harry:** a sick dad is no good to a sick kid

**Unknown:** have fun in your rich person meeting

**Harry:** ha

**Harry:** sure

**_Perpetual Annoyance_ **

**Peter:** admit it

**Peter:** you like him

**Harry:** no

**Peter:** then why are you still texting him

**Harry:** Peter

**Peter:** what is he in your phone

**Peter:** _ lover boy _

**Harry:** he’s  _ nothing _ in my phone

**Peter:** no

**Peter:** Harry no

**Peter:** give him a  _ name _ at least

**Harry:** he was your roommate

**Peter:** _ well _

**Harry:** you lied

**Harry:** you know how i feel about lying

**Peter:** would you have listened

**Peter:** if i told you who it was would you have even answered him

**Harry:** you said it was for a job

**Peter:** i’m sure he wouldn’t turn one down

**Harry:** _ Peter _

**Harry:** stop playing matchmaker

**Harry:** i’m perfectly happy with the life i currently have

**Peter:** you’re  _ miserable _

**Peter:** and don’t even try to tell me you’re not

**Peter:** you never even wanted this company

**Harry:** this is my life

**Harry:** this isn’t a game

**Harry:** stop meddling

**Peter:** Harry

**Harry:** no 

**Harry:** just because your happy ending looks a specific way doesn’t mean that that’s how  _ mine _ does

**Harry:** take your apple pie life and shove it somewhere else

**Peter:** you always wanted this

**Harry:** no Pete 

**Harry:** _ you _ always wanted this

**Peter:** i just want you to be happy

**Peter:** and Harley’s a really nice guy

**Peter:** sure he didn’t finish college and he’s a free spirited musician with a kid

**Peter:** but he’s  _ nice _ and he thinks you’re  _ cute _

**Harry:** just let it go

**Peter:** you deserve to be happy, Har

**Harry:** _ just let it go _

**Peter:** no 

**Peter:** you didn’t listen when i told you to let it go so i won’t either

**Peter:** you deserve happiness and you deserve something that you actually want

**Peter:** and something that wants you back

**Peter:** give him a name in your phone 

**Peter:** save his number

**Peter:** at worst you’ve just made a new friend

**Peter:** at best…

**Harry:** whatever, Peter, i have work

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** hope you got some sleep last night

**Harley Keener:** a tired and sick boss isn’t what an office needs 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😊 thank you for the love on chapter one. ❤

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** are you still alive or did the meeting with the Chinese last week kill you

**Harry:** it killed me

**Harry:** you’re texting a ghost

**Harley Keener:** _ rad _

**Harley Keener:** this is the next big ghost hunting tool

**Harley Keener:** someone call Zak Baggins 

**Harry:** ew you watch ghost adventures

**Harry:** lame

**Harley Keener:** listen

**Harley Keener:** at this point I’ve dedicated too much time to Zak to back out now

**Harry:** typical

**Harry:** if the relationship has sucked for ten years it’ll suck forever

**Harley Keener:** it started off so well though

**Harry:** so did mine with my father 

**Harry:** don’t see me with him now

**Harley Keener:** isn’t he dead

**Harry:** that’s besides the point

**Harley Keener:** oh of course

**Harley Keener:** completely different situation

**Harry:** no it’s completely the same situation

**Harry:** dump him

**Harley Keener:** I can’t leave Zak like that 

**Harry:** then you will always be disappointed

**Harley Keener:** god it’s so true

**Harley Keener:** are you  _ always  _ right

**Harry:** typically

**Harley Keener:** it’s the doctorate isn’t it

**Harry:** yes of course

**Harry:** and the lack of sleep

**Harley Keener:** hey you’re not special  _ there _

**Harley Keener:** I feel like I somehow get more sleep than you and I have two jobs and a kid

**Harry:** i wouldn’t be shocked

**Harry:** how is the kid

**Harley Keener:** _ the kid _

**Harley Keener:** _ Beth _ is good

**Harry:** not sick anymore

**Harley Keener:** nah she’s got a little sniffle but she’s good

**Harry:** glad to hear it

**Harley Keener:** where have you been all week

**Harley Keener:** not to be clingy or anything I just thought we had a  _ thing _ going 

**Harry:** a conversation? 

**Harry:** it ended 

**Harley Keener:** do you lack all social skills?

**Harley Keener:** I meant the start of a friendship

**Harry:** i’ve been here

**Harley Keener:** did I think we were doing something different here

**Harley Keener:** if you don’t want to talk to me just say so

**Harry:** it’s not that

**Harry:** it’s

**Harry:** nothing 

**Harry:** sorry for not texting sooner

**Harley Keener:** what’s up Harry Osborn

**Harry:** nothing 

**Harry:** your jobs are going good?

**Harry:** MJ mentioned something about a show

**Harley Keener:** suspicious but okay, I can see we’re not there yet

**Harley Keener:** I had a show over the weekend that went pretty well 

**Harley Keener:** kinda expected you to be there

**Harry:** yeah Peter and i aren’t really  _ talking _ right now

**Harley Keener:** want to talk about it

**Harry:** not really

**Harley Keener:** chill 

**Harley Keener:** how was your weekend

**Harley Keener:** tell me you did more than just work

**Harry:** sorry to disappoint

**Harley Keener:** nothing?

**Harley Keener:** idk how to tell you this, darlin’ but that’s a shit weekend

**Harry:** i think my therapist would say the same

**Harley Keener:** so do something else

**Harley Keener:** don’t you have  _ other _ people to do the stuff for you

**Harry:** i don’t trust other people

**Harley Keener:** maybe you should

**Harry:** probably

**Harry:** tell me something fun

**Harley Keener:** fun fact: your heartbeat pattern changes and mimics the music you listen to

**Harley Keener:** sorry for disappearing before, btw

**Harry:** jellyfish outdate both dinosaurs and sharks

**Harley Keener:** _ wait shit your fact is cooler _

**Harry:** _ biology _

**Harley Keener:** do you just

**Harley Keener:** _ know _ things about biology

**Harry:** according to the work i put in for that doctorate yes

**Harley Keener:** do you just pepper that into civilized conversation

**Harry:** for the  _ cost _ of that piece of paper?

**Harry:** you bet i do

**Harley Keener:** should I casually drop in my greatest accomplishment

**Harry:** always

**Harry:** remind people of their place with you

**Harley Keener:** _ hi I’m a dad _

**Harry:** Beth’s your greatest accomplishment?

**Harley Keener:** ofc

**Harley Keener:** have you  _ seen  _ her?

**Harley Keener:** she’s perfection

**Harry:** technically she’s only half yours

**Harley Keener:** _ biologically _

**Harley Keener:** but legally she is 100% mine

**Harley Keener:** I have the court documents to prove it

**Harry:** i’ll give it to you

**Harley Keener:** oh thank god

**Harley Keener:** I thought you’d criticize me forever

**Harry:** i mean i will

**Harry:** but i’ll do it less to your face

**Harley Keener:** because you typically criticize people to their face

**Harry:** you  _ don’t _ ?

**Harley Keener:** I should adopt that principal

**Harley Keener:** just look ‘em in the eyes and tell ‘em how dumb they are

**Harry:** you should 

**Harley Keener:** I thought that was reserved for only people with doctorates though

**Harry:** i’ll let you borrow mine for the thrill

**Harley Keener:** I get it 

**Harley Keener:** sharing the wealth

**Harry:** and whatnot

**Harley Keener:** especially the whatnot

**Harley Keener:** you see, this is  _ nice _

**Harley Keener:** talking to you like a normal human being is nice

**Harry:** i’m insulted that you think i’m anywhere close to  _ normal _

**Harley Keener:** you’re right 

**Harley Keener:** I think you’re secretly a nerd

**Harry:** what gave me away?

**Harley Keener:** I know who Peter hangs with

**Harley Keener:** also  _ doctorate _

**Harry:** now you’re throwing that around more than i do

**Harley Keener:** I’m trying to tease you

**Harley Keener:** is it working

**Harry:** marginally

**Harley Keener:** damn 

**Harley Keener:** guess I’ll have to try harder then

**Harry:** or you could not

**Harley Keener:** nah I’m determined to break through that hard chocolate shell to the milky center

**Harry:** why did you phrase it that way

**Harley Keener:** for  _ that _ reaction

**Harley Keener:** on today’s episode of  _ shit my kid does _

**Harley Keener:** kid locked me out of the apartment 

**Harley Keener:** I get inside and she’s lined up  _ all _ the chocolates and  _ started eating them _

**Harley Keener:** with the wrapper

**Harley Keener:** until she figured out the aluminum wrapper tastes like shit and  _ then _ figured out how to take the wrapper off

**Harry:** to be fair

**Harry:** aluminum does taste like shit

**Harley Keener:** no

**Harley Keener:** you don’t get to be on her side

**Harry:** she did what had to be done

**Harley Keener:** _ locking me out _ had to be done??

**Harry:** i mean if this is how annoying you are over text you must be worse to live with

**Harley Keener:** you know what

**Harley Keener:** I  _ cook _

**Harley Keener:** I  _ clean _

**Harley Keener:** I  _ pay bills _

**Harley Keener:** I  _ deserve respect _

**Harry:** do you though

**Harry:** those are the bare minimum qualifications to be an adult

**Harley Keener:** I hate that you’re  _ not wrong _

**Harry:** do you still want an apology from the one year old

**Harley Keener:** always

**Harley Keener:** but she won’t give me one

**Harry:** how did she even lock the door

**Harley Keener:** well  _ I  _ locked it 

**Harley Keener:** dropped the keys and bent to grab them before grabbing her and girl slammed the door in my face

**Harry:** ha

**Harry:** i support her level of rebellion

**Harley Keener:** _ stop supporting this _

**Harry:** it’s a bit ingenious

**Harry:** and no one got hurt so win/win

**Harley Keener:** my day did

**Harry:** did it really

**Harley Keener:** yes, I had to call out of work

**Harley Keener:** to take my door off its hinges

**Harry:** instead of calling the landlord

**Harley Keener:** okay so

**Harley Keener:** my phone was in the apartment too

**Harry:** how did you call out of work then

**Harley Keener:** okay so it was a no call no show until I  _ got _ my phone and could call them and beg for forgiveness

**Harry:** jfc

**Harry:** i feel like i’d hate you as an employee

**Harley Keener:** idk why

**Harley Keener:** I’m very reliable 

**Harley Keener:** and good at bullshitting

**Harry:** you went to Empire of course you are

**Harley Keener:** _ excuse you _

**Harley Keener:** what are you implying

**Harry:** oh i’m implying nothing

**Harry:** i’m stating that your college education was lacking

**Harley Keener:** well shit where did  _ you _ go

**Harry:** Harvard

**Harley Keener:** god you’re not even joking are you

**Harry:** no?

**Harley Keener:** are you a genius or something

**Harley Keener:** I mean  _ probably _

**Harley Keener:** you  _ are _ friends with Peter Parker

**Harry:** do you have a crush on Peter or something

**Harry:** you keep mentioning him

**Harley Keener:** who  _ hasn’t _ had a crush on Peter once in their life

**Harley Keener:** but he’s also idk the one thing we have in common

**Harry:** he’s not the  _ one  _ thing

**Harley Keener:** oh?

**Harley Keener:** what else would have gotten you to look in my direction

**Harry:** i’m not a stuck up bitch you know

**Harry:** you could have just said hi

**Harley Keener:** I’ve already apologized for how this started

**Harry:** yeah i know

**Harley Keener:** I also still owe you a coffee

**Harry:** i said to forget about it

**Harley Keener:** never

**Harley Keener:** are you ever going to come back to the diner

**Harry:** that depends

**Harley Keener:** on?

**Harry:** free time

**Harry:** i have a shocking lack of it

**Harley Keener:** I feel that

**Harley Keener:** if you could have one job in the entire world what would it be

**Harry:** uh

**Harry:** no job

**Harley Keener:** _ no job _ he says 

**Harley Keener:** I would be a musician farmer with a side hustle as a daycare owner

**Harry:** so specific

**Harley Keener:** come on

**Harley Keener:** what’s the one thing you wanted to be when you grew up

**_Perpetual Annoyance_ **

**Peter:** are you done being mad at me yet

**Harry:** are you done butting into my business

**Peter:** i’m so sorry for  _ caring _

**Harry:** you know that’s not the problem

**Peter:** Har

**Peter:** i don’t know  _ what the problem is  _

**Peter:** how can i when you don’t  _ talk _

**Harry:** you don’t just give out my number to random people

**Peter:** Harley’s not random

**Peter:** you liked him in my freshman year

**Harry:** you didn’t have permission to give my number out

**Peter:** you wouldn’t have  _ given  _ your permission

**Harry:** of course i wouldn’t have

**Peter:** why

**Peter:** why don’t you ever just take a chance

**Peter:** and why don’t you trust my judgement

**Harry:** why don’t you trust mine

**Harry:** it’s  _ my _ number and  _ my  _ life

**Harry:** i didn’t  _ ask _ you to play matchmaker

**Peter:** yes because you want to live alone

**Harry:** what is it to you if i do

**Harry:** what is it to you if  _ my  _ decision is to be  _ alone _ for the rest of my life

**Peter:** because you  _ don’t actually want that _

**Peter:** you have this disgusting habit of doing  _ everything  _ your father wanted you to do

**Peter:** even if he’s  _ dead _ and he can’t  _ do anything to hurt you anymore _

**Harry:** Peter that’s not the problem here

**Peter:** no the problem is that you don’t trust me

**Harry:** i  _ do _ trust you

**Harry:** i have  _ always _ trusted you

**Peter:** then trust that Harley’s a good choice

**Harry:** a choice that  _ i  _ didn’t get to make

**Peter:** okay 

**Peter:** fine

**Peter:** you’re right

**Peter:** i did it all fucked up

**Peter:** i’m sorry

**Peter:** i should have been more upfront

**Harry:** it’s fine

**Peter:** if it was fine you would have talked to me sooner

**Peter:** you let your feelings be heard and i ignored it

**Peter:** i’m sorry

**Harry:** i know

**Harry:** i

**Peter:** i know

**Peter:** we good?

**Harry:** we’re always good

**Peter:** so

**Peter:** how’s your flirting going

**Harry:** fuck off Parker

**Peter:** so it’s going well then

**Harry:** fuck  _ off _

**Peter:** hahahahahahaha

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harry:** i wanted to be an archeologist

**Harley Keener:** an  _ archeologist _

**Harley Keener:** like Indiana Jones

**Harry:** no 

**Harry:** like Laura Croft

**Harley Keener:** so you  _ are  _ a nerd

**Harry:** i have no argument for that

**Harley Keener:** no arguments needed

**Harley Keener:** nerds are hot

**Harry:** oh so i’m hot now

**Harley Keener:** only now

**Harley Keener:** admit your a nerd and you get a special sticker in the mail that commemorates your level of attractiveness

**Harry:** i will proudly display it

**Harley Keener:** oooo you better

**Harry:** or what

**Harley Keener:** or 

**Harley Keener:** or you’ll make Beth sad

**Harry:** Beth? Not you?

**Harley Keener:** no I’m a bad bitch I don’t get sad over pretty boys

**Harry:** the baddest bitch

**Harley Keener:** yes 

**Harley Keener:** gosh

**Harley Keener:** thank you

**Harley Keener:** you were attractive before the nerd thing 

**Harley Keener:** btw


	3. Chapter 3

**_Perpetual Annoyance _ **

**Peter:** hey

**Peter:** are you still coming over for dinner tonight

**Peter:** MJ misses you

**Peter:** who am i kidding

**Peter:** _ i _ miss you

**Peter:** please come over

**Harry:** begging is beneath you

**Peter:** idk what you’re talking about

**Peter:** begging is the  _ exact _ type of desperate i am

**Harry:** i’ll try

**Peter:** noooo

**Peter:** Harryyyyy

**Peter:** i want more than try

**Harry:** that’s all i can give

**Harry:** you know how busy we are right now

**Peter:** _ audit season _

**Harry:** _ audit season _

**Harry:** if i can’t tonight i’ll stop by with breakfast tomorrow

**Peter:** you’d stop by the Bugle to drop off breakfast

**Harry:** if that’s what it takes to stop you from pouting all day

**Peter:** this is true love

**Harry:** truest love i’ve ever had

**Peter:** awe 

**Peter:** you’re so sweet

**Peter:** i should propose to you not MJ

**Harry:** May wouldn’t be shocked

**Peter:** May would support my choice in men

**Peter:** you would finally be her official family she’d love it

**Harry:** you’re too basic for me

**Peter:** it’s true

**Peter:** i’m sorry to hurt you this way

**Harry:** as you should be

**Harry:** i have  _ standards _

**Peter:** ha

**Peter:** you

**Peter:** _standards_

**Peter:** that’s a funny joke

**Harry:** _ wow _

**Peter:** update: Jameson is still a jerk

**Harry:** who’s shocked here

**Harry:** what happened

**Peter:** he scrapped all my photos because they “didn’t show the narrative he wants”

**Peter:** i’m sorry i’m showing the narrative of what actually  _ happened _

**Harry:** bullshit

**Harry:** you and MJ should just start your own magazine

**Peter:** we  _ should _

**Peter:** steal Brock to work for us

**Peter:** and get a good editor and suddenly we’re unstoppable

**Harry:** i’d back it

**Peter:** lmao wouldn’t that be funny

**Harry:** think about it

**Harry:** i’d seriously back it

**Harry:** anything would be better than the Bugle anyway

**Peter:** i

**Peter:** i  _ might _

**Peter:** but i don’t want your money

**Harry:** think of it as an investment

**Harry:** and you wouldn’t be taking  _ my _ money but my dad’s 

**Harry:** if that helps

**Peter:** oddly it does

**Peter:** cuz fuck your dad

**Peter:** _ anyway _

**Harry:** _ anyway _

**Peter:** breakfast tomorrow? 

**Peter:** pick it up from Sunset Diner 

**Harry:** are you just scraping dinner or am i now expected for both

**Peter:** both

**Harry:** needy

**Peter:** Sunset Diner

**Harry:** McDonalds?

**Peter:** _ Sunset Diner _

**Harry:** stop trying to force things

**Peter:** _ S u n s e t D i n e r _

**Harry:** byeeeeee

**Peter:** boo i’ll see you tonight

**Harry:** maybe

**Peter:** definitely

**Peter:** idc how late, Osborn you better be there

**Harry:** _ maybe _

**Peter:** _ bitch _

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harry:** audit season is a bitch

**Harley Keener:** the name of my biography

**Harley Keener:** how bad is it  _ really _

**Harry:** i’ve contemplated wearing sweatpants to work every day this week

**Harley Keener:** you’re the boss

**Harley Keener:** do it

**Harry:** no that’s unprofessional

**Harley Keener:** who’s going to tell you to go home

**Harley Keener:** _ you literally own the place _

**Harry:** disgusting 

**Harry:** stop reminding me

**Harley Keener:** i’m sorry you’re filthy rich

**Harry:** you should be 

**Harry:** take it all i don’t want it

**Harley Keener:** i don’t think you’d know how to survive a middle class lifestyle

**Harry:** don’t call me out like this

**Harley Keener:** i bet you don’t even know what Walmart is

**Harry:** i prefer Target

**Harley Keener:** of course you do

**Harley Keener:** i forgot you’re a basic bitch

**Harry:** don’t you ever forget again

**Harley Keener:** please forgive my transgressions

**Harry:** such a big word for such an early hour

**Harley Keener:** Liz wakes me up at 4am on the  _ dot _ most days

**Harley Keener:** lucky she’s cute

**Harry:** weak

**Harry:** just don’t sleep like me

**Harley Keener:** i could get so much done if i didn’t sleep

**Harry:** exactly

**Harley Keener:** don’t tell me you’re at the office

**Harry:** of course i am

**Harry:** i practically live here

**Harry:** i have a change of clothes in the bottom drawer of my desk

**Harry:** and a mini-fridge stocked with yogurt and energy drinks

**Harley Keener:** that  _ can’t _ be nutritious

**Harry:** i’m supposed to be nutritious?

**Harley Keener:** how much coffee have you had

**Harry:** an ungodly amount

**Harry:** enough to land any normal person with a heart in the ER

**Harley Keener:** i hate to tell you this, Mr. Osborn

**Harley Keener:** but you have a heart

**Harry:** _ lies _

**Harry:** i have a black hole where a heart  _ used  _ to be

**Harry:** or do you not read any tabloids, Mr. Keener

**Harley Keener:** I don’t have the time

**Harley Keener:** you know, between two jobs, raising a diva, and texting this  _ hot _ guy

**Harry:** my condolences

**Harry:** that must be so difficult to manage

**Harley Keener:** especially when I’m flirting and the guy doesn’t even notice

**Harry:** so rough

**Harry:** how’s the baby doing

**Harley Keener:** oh  _ lord _ do I have a story for you

**Harley Keener:** kid is  _ obsessed _ with baths right

**Harley Keener:** like I’ve never met a kid her age and size that actually  _ gets excited _ to take a bath

**Harley Keener:** but she does

**Harley Keener:** and decided to  _ fill up the bath herself _ while I was on the phone with my ma  _ get this _

**Harley Keener:** _ using toilet water _

**Harry:** _ yikes _

**Harley Keener:** Liz was using a water cup to scoop water  _ out of the toilet _ , plugged the bath, and poured it in there

**Harry:** she’s  _ one _

**Harley Keener:** excuse you she is  _ fourteen months _

**Harley Keener:** we don’t use  _ years _ here

**Harry:** fair and valid

**Harry:** clearly months are the only way to measure things

**Harley Keener:** clearly 

**Harley Keener:** gosh get with the times

**Harry:** _ she’s fourteen months  _

**Harry:** how much did she manage to fill

**Harley Keener:** _ an inch _

**Harley Keener:** so I had to stick my hand 

**Harley Keener:** in  _ an inch _ of  _ toilet water _ to unplug the bath 

**Harley Keener:** with a toddler  _ screaming _ and hitting me with her little fists because I ruined her bath plans

**Harry:** why don’t you ever just let her live

**Harley Keener:** stop encouraging my evil genius child

**Harry:** no someone has to

**Harley Keener:** _ that someone isn’t you _

**Harry:** but why not

**Harley Keener:** you’re an adult

**Harley Keener:** you’re supposed to be on my side 

**Harry:** so sad

**Harry:** _ tragic _

**Harley Keener:** remember when she spilled all over your pants

**Harley Keener:** I wish she would do it again

**Harry:** when you haven’t even paid me back for the first time yet

**Harley Keener:** I thought I  _ didn’t have to _

**Harry:** are you  _ kidding _ ? 

**Harry:** on a $10 dry cleaning bill?

**Harry:** i don’t have that kind of money

**Harley Keener:** _ tragic _

**Harry:** it’s a lie anyway 

**Harry:** she can spill stuff on me constantly 

**Harry:** Peter would thank her for it

**Harley Keener:** ah yes

**Harley Keener:** exactly what I yearn to do

**Harley Keener:** make Peter Parker happy

**Harry:** it is truly the goal of the world

**Harley Keener:** are you in the middle of an audit?

**Harry:** don’t remind me

**Harry:** i’m trying to tune it out

**Harley Keener:** don’t you have to answer questions?

**Harry:** _ don’t remind me _

**Harley Keener:** do you need food or anything? I can’t in good conscience let you live off energy drinks, coffee, and yogurt

**Harry:** why, are you going to bring me food?

**Harley Keener:** I _ could _

**Harley Keener:** do you want food

**Harry:** not really 

**Harry:** i’m not really hungry

**Harley Keener:** when was the last time you ate

**Harry:** you’re starting to sound like Peter

**Harry:** i’m fine

**Harley Keener:** I feel like you say that even when you’re  _ not _ fine

**Harry:** oops you’ve hacked me

**Harry:** perpetual liar about my own well being

**Harley Keener:** is that a joke

**Harley Keener:** am I meant to take that as a joke

**Harry:** yes

**Harry:** because while it’s adorable that you’re worried  _ i’m fine _

**Harley Keener:** _ I’m adorable, am I _

**Harry:** ugh

**Harry:** i take it back

**Harry:** you’re insufferable

**Harley Keener:** too late there

**Harley Keener:** _ I’m adorable _

**Harry:** don’t you have a kid

**Harry:** why are you texting so much

**Harley Keener:** Lizzy’s sleeping

**Harley Keener:** it’s nap time

**Harry:** it’s nine in the morning

**Harley Keener:** and she woke me up at 4am

**Harley Keener:** it’s nap time

**Harry:** you should nap too

**Harley Keener:** but why when I could have this riveting conversation

**Harry:** so riveting

**Harry:** i offer so much entertainment

**Harry:** unfortunately, i have to go

**Harley Keener:** noooo

**Harley Keener:** but I’ll give you  _ one _ pass

**Harry:** endless kindness

**Harley Keener:** what can I say? I’m a classy guy

**Harley Keener:** I’d take you out to a Red Lobster on a first date

**Harry:** i can’t have shellfish

**Harley Keener:** _ shit _

**Harley Keener:** they have chicken fingers 

**Harley Keener:** what  _ can’t  _ you have

**Harry:** ?

**Harley Keener:** I’m trying to plan our amazing first date and I would like to not kill you on it

**Harry:** oh? 

**Harry:** so there’s going to be a first date?

**Harley Keener:** of course there is

**Harley Keener:** I’ll get a sitter and everything

**Harry:** i haven’t agreed to anything

**Harley Keener:** yet

**Harley Keener:** I’m confident in our love connection

**Harry:** so it’s  _ love _ now

**Harley Keener:** oh baby it’s always been love

**Harley Keener:** but anyway back to my question 

**Harley Keener:** _ what are you allergic to _

**Harry:** shellfish

**Harry:** i don’t drink either

**Harley Keener:** I can drink enough for the two of us

**Harley Keener:** anything else?

**Harry:** guys that come on too strong

**Harley Keener:** _ oh burn _

**Harry:** strike two

**Harley Keener:** shit 

**Harley Keener:** one more and I’m out

**Harry:** mmm better be careful

**Harley Keener:** _ crikey _

**_Bitch Squad_ **

**MJ:** what is  _ love _

**Betty:** _ baby don’t hurt me _

**Liz:** _ no more _

**Harry:** god

**MJ:** ruined it

**Liz:** we shouldn’t be shocked

**Betty:** what’s up, M to the J

**Liz:** never do that again

**Betty:** yeah it felt weird

**MJ:** Harold over here

**Harry:** don’t get more people involved

**MJ:** Peter is trying to set him up with an old roommate, ya feel

**Liz:** which roommate?

**Betty:** Ned?

**Liz:** _ Eugene? _

**MJ:** Harley Keener

**Betty:** oh?

**Liz:** He's cute!

**Liz:** he’s the one with the baby, right?

**Harry:** yeah

**MJ:** yeah, he says

**MJ:** I thought you didn’t  _ like _ him

**Harry:** i don’t

**Betty:** _ denial _

**Liz:** what’s up, boo

**Liz:** don’t like the boy 

**Liz:** or don’t like the butting into your relationships your friends like to do

**Harry:** i don’t like any of you

**Betty:** you’re so mean

**MJ:** don’t make me cry

**MJ:** I’ll tell Peter

**Harry:** Peter’s not scary

**Betty:** he  _ can _ be

**Liz** : in all seriousness

**Liz:** you don’t  _ have _ to like this guy

**Liz:** but if you want us to back off you just have to say so 

**MJ:** noooo

**MJ:** Liz don’t be logical and nice

**MJ:** I will  _ not _ back off

**Liz:** you  _ will _ back off and not push him when he doesn’t want to be pushed

**Betty:** Liz is such a mom

**Liz:** as the only mom in this squad I must be

**Betty:** how is the lil one btw

**Liz:** wonderful

**Liz:** he’s very excited to show everyone his new fashion trend of wearing different colored shoes 

**MJ:** wait you’re all coming over for dinner right

**Betty:** yes!

**Liz:** ofc! 

**MJ:** H a r o l d?

**Harry:** i told Peter i’d try

**MJ:** Harry nooooooo

**MJ:** come to dinner

**Betty:** come eat with uuuuus

**Liz:** we miss you

**Harry:** i’ll  _ try _

**Liz:** I’ll tell Stan you’re not going to be there so that, if you show, it’s a pleasant surprise

**Harry:** good planning

**Liz:** thank you, I’m excellent at it sometimes

**Betty:** but Harryyyyyyy

**MJ:** I’ll see you tonight

**MJ:** and stop being so  _ mean _ to Harley, he’s a sweetheart

_**Liz Allan** _

**Liz:** so you’re being  _ mean _ to him

**Harry:** shut it

**Liz:** aka Harry Osborn’s  _ patent _ flirting

**Harry:** i hate all of my friends

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** so I was invited to a dinner at the Parker household

**Harry:** oh fun

**Harley Keener:** any chance you’ll be there?

**Harry:** probably not

**Harry:** not because i don’t want to 

**Harry:** i’m just  _ swamped _

**Harley Keener:** audit season

**Harry:** audit season

**Harley Keener:** I feel like you're constantly one office disaster away from falling apart

**Harry:** it’s possible

**Harry:** turns out that my dad did a lot of shady accounting shit that i have to track down

**Harley Keener:** my option for food delivery stands

**Harry:** ha

**Harry:** i might take you up on that

**Harley Keener:** just let me know and I’ll be there with a packable picnic

**Harry:** i will

**Harley Keener:** you  _ will _ ?

**Harry:** i’ll let you know

**Harley Keener:** can’t wait 

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** your  _ handwriting _

**Harry:** sorry i missed you

**Harley Keener:** oh you’re good I was running late

**Harley Keener:** but that’s not important here

**Harley Keener:** what is is  _ your handwriting _

**Harry:** my handwriting is important

**Harley Keener:** _ incredibly _ important

**Harley Keener:** mostly that instead of texting me you  _ wrote me a note _

**Harry:** i

**Harry:** you were driving

**Harley Keener:** _ who drives in New York _

**Harley Keener:** no wait

**Harley Keener:** _ you left me a note _

**Harry:** we’ve been over this

**Harry:** yes i left you a note

**Harry:** whoops? Sorry? Won’t happen again?

**Harley Keener:** bullshit, I love it

**Harley Keener:** and will keep it forever

**Harry:** all… all it says is “sorry i missed you”

**Harley Keener:** and?

**Harley Keener:** you have really nice penmanship

**Harry:** thank you?

**Harley Keener:** must be from filling out all that paperwork

**Harry:** i mean probably

**Harley Keener:** I’m sorry you missed me too

**Harley Keener:** why were you picking up so much food anyway

**Harry:** oh

**Harry:** i’m feeding the Parkers

**Harley Keener:** let me get this straight

**Harley Keener:** you don’t show for dinner at theirs and instead bring them breakfast

**Harry:** well they work at the same place

**Harley Keener:** and it’s on the way to  _ your _ work, isn’t it

**Harry:** maybe

**Harry:** why

**Harley Keener:** I have a feeling you’re a bit of a workaholic there 

**Harry:** just a bit

**Harry:** it’s a work in progress

**Harley Keener:** breaking that workaholic nature or making it worse

**Harry:** that’s up for debate

**Harley Keener:** please tell me some of that food is for you

**Harry:** of course it is

**Harry:** i  _ do _ eat

**Harley Keener:** hey, you can never be too careful

**Harley Keener:** you  _ do _ only have yogurt and energy drinks in your mini-fridge

**Harry:** you’re right 

**Harry:** i honestly can’t cook anything more fancy than boxed mac and cheese

**Harley Keener:** I’m pretty sure Eliza can cook more than that

**Harry:** well obviously she’s a  _ genius _

**Harley Keener:** that’s true she  _ did  _ laugh for ten minutes straight at a cucumber this morning

**Harry:** i want her joy

**Harley Keener:** get a cucumber 

**Harley Keener:** and  _ laugh _

**Harley Keener:** bam you are now Eliza

**Harry:** unfortunately a cucumber was not included in this purchase of food

**Harley Keener:** well shit 

**Harley Keener:** this is why you have to wait until I’m at work

**Harley Keener:** I  _ always _ include cucumbers with a purchase 

**Harry:** every purchase?

**Harry:** there’s no minimum purchase needed for a cucumber?

**Harley Keener:** nah 

**Harley Keener:** if you piss me off it gets thrown at your head

**Harley Keener:** if you make me happy it gets nicely placed and chopped into pickles

**Harley Keener:** if you’re hot it  _ might _ be an innuendo, I mean the opportunities are endless 

**Harry:** don’t attack me here

**Harley Keener:** you haven’t pissed me off so

**Harry:** but pickles are  _ disgusting _

**Harley Keener:** oh shit  _ you did not _

**Harry:** they’re just… so  _ slimy _ ? Why are they so  _ slimy _

**Harley Keener:** _ what even _

**Harley Keener:** I’m prepping a cucumber to throw now

**Harry:** oh no i’m so scared

**Harley Keener:** that’s not believable at all 

**Harry:** _ oh no i’m so  _ **_scared_ **

**Harley Keener:** better

**Harley Keener:** hey does Peter still work at the Bugle

**Harry:** he’s a freelancer there yeah

**Harley Keener:** that’s like selling your soul to the devil

**Harry:** no one hates Jameson more than him

**Harry:** _ but _ the Bugle pays well

**Harley Keener:** isn’t his degree in biochemistry

**Harry:** he also has a photography masters

**Harry:** he’s doing what he loves

**Harley Keener:** i’m throwing zero shade here

**Harley Keener:** good for him

**Harry:** you just saw him yesterday you could have just asked

**Harley Keener:** I mostly played with two kids the whole time

**Harry:** Stan was there, yeah

**Harley Keener:** the four year old kid, right

**Harry:** lmao yeah

**Harry:** Liz’s son

**Harley Keener:** _ he has so much energy _

**Harley Keener:** it’s like he’s constantly hyped on crack

**Harry:** he’s my godson

**Harley Keener:** _ your godson is constantly hyped on crack _

**Harry:** obviously

**Harry:** who do you think gives him the money for it

**Harley Keener:** you  _ enabler _

**Harry:** sharing the wealth

**Harley Keener:** no share with us poor folks

**Harry:** i left a 100% tip

**Harley Keener:** yeah I saw

**Harley Keener:** Nat told me to marry you

**Harry:** i mean that’s clearly the way to go

**Harry:** a true way to share the wealth

**Harley Keener:** do you have a life insurance policy

**Harry:** i’m  _ rich _ , of course i do

**Harley Keener:** _ guess who’s a’coming for you _

**Harry:** just going to marry me and then kill me for the insurance money

**Harry:** classy, i support this venture

**Harley Keener:** the joke crosses into worrying when you agree with me on the grounds of  _ murder _

**Harry:** i want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved so you better not get caught

**Harley Keener:** I’ll spread all the rumors of your soul haunting Oscorp

**Harry:** god  _ don’t _

**Harry:** at least have me haunting somewhere cool

**Harry:** like a castle overlooking the ocean or something

**Harley Keener:** do you own a castle overlooking the ocean

**Harry:** not  _ yet _

**Harley Keener:** I’ll buy you one with your own money, then make sure you’re laid to rest on the land and  _ bam _ you’re haunting it 

**Harry:** _ perfect _

**Harry:** that’s true love right there

**Harley Keener:** it really is

**Harley Keener:** meant to be

**Harry:** _ in death _

**_Perpetual Annoyance _ **

**Peter:** you’re all  _ smiley _

**Harry:** shut up and eat your food 

**Peter:** _ who are you texting _

**Harry:** _ Parker, i will throw your phone out of the window _

  
  


**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** you  _ did _ go home last night right

**Harley Keener:** you didn’t spend all night at work only to go back

**Harry:** not  _ all  _ night

**Harley Keener:** this is you trying to kill me isn’t it

**Harley Keener:** I don’t have life insurance, you’ll get nothing out of my death

**Harry:** that’s fine

**Harry:** i have more than enough money 

**Harley Keener:** that’s slightly terrifying

**Harley Keener:** are you secretly a serial killer

**Harry:** it’s supposed to be a secret?

**Harley Keener:** oh  _ yikes _

**Harley Keener:** please don’t kill me I have a daughter

**Harry:** _ … fine _

**Harley Keener:** ahahaha  _ sucker _

**Harry:** _ w o w _

**Harley Keener:** wait no I take it back

**Harry:** mhmmm

**Harley Keener:** in all seriousness though

**Harley Keener:** you’re taking care of yourself, right?

**Harry:** i am eating, hydrating,  _ caffinating _ , sleeping and in my bed not on the couch in my office most nights

**Harley Keener:** _ most nights _

**Harley Keener:** hello, do you have a moment for me to tell you about our lord and savior, Self-Care

**Harry:** no i’m just  _ swamped _ with self hate today

**Harley Keener:** hfughsug

**Harley Keener:** I didn’t expect that answer and I feel like I should have

**Harry:** idk why you would expect anything different

**Harley Keener:** at this point idk why I did either

**Harley Keener:** please take care of yourself

**Harley Keener:** or, better yet

**Harley Keener:** let  _ me _ take care of you

**Harry:** ooo 

**Harley Keener:** _ oooooo _ ?

**Harry:** _ hard pass _

**Harley Keener:** _ fuck _

**Harry:** do you have any siblings

**Harley Keener:** I have a sister yes

**Harley Keener:** what prompted this getting to know me session

**Harry:** oh it’s for the life insurance policy i’m taking out for you

**Harry:** it’s just general curiosity

**Harley Keener:** do you

**Harry:** have any siblings?

**Harley Keener:** yeah

**Harry:** no i am the only fruit of Norman Osborn’s loins

**Harry:** is your sister older or younger

**Harley Keener:** younger

**Harley Keener:** her name’s Abbie

**Harley Keener:** she’s annoying as fuck but I wouldn’t trade her for anything

**Harley Keener:** did you have a childhood pet?

**Harry:** is this for  _ my _ life insurance policy?

**Harley Keener:** yes, tell me their name

**Harry:** unfortunately, i had  _ no _ childhood pets

**Harley Keener:** that’s an  _ atrocity _

**Harley Keener:** I had a beta fish named Reginald 

**Harley Keener:** and a cat named Dinah and Dinah ate Reginald for lunch one day when we forgot to feed her

**Harry:** rip Reginald

**Harley Keener:** no siblings and no pets

**Harley Keener:** sounds like the recipe for a tragic childhood

**Harry:** i mean you’re not wrong

**Harry:** there was a lot i wasn’t really allowed to do 

**Harry:** and it  _ definitely _ affects me now that i’m an adult but 

**Harry:** i mean i try really hard to ignore that and just focus on what i  _ do _ have

**Harley Keener:** i highkey support that for you but, also, 

**Harley Keener:** _ no it was a joke _

**Harry:** just like my life

**Harley Keener:** I thought I broke you

**Harley Keener:** don’t  _ do _ that again

**Harry:** don’t do  _ what _

**Harley Keener:** nothing, darlin’ you’re perfect

**Harry:** _ what _

**Harley Keener:** don’t worry about it

**Harley Keener:** how long have you known Peter

**Harry:** my entire life

**Harry:** why’d you drop out of college

**Harley Keener:** _ playing hardball _

**Harley Keener:** mom got cancer and I had to get a job to help out with the bills

**Harley Keener:** why biology?

**Harry:** i run a biotech company

**Harry:** how many kids do you have?

**Harley Keener:** just the one 

**Harley Keener:** _ how many do you think I have? _

**Harry:** idk like four

**Harley Keener:** _ w h a t _

**Harry:** in my defense

**Harley Keener:** _ f o u r  _

**Harry:** you call her by a different name like every other day

**Harley Keener:** _ could you imagine me, a single dad, with f o u r children _

**Harry:** hey i won’t knock your life choices

**Harley Keener:** wait you were still letting me flirt when you thought I had four children

**Harry:** stay on topic here

**Harley Keener:** that  _ is  _ on topic

**Harry:** where’s her mom?

**Harley Keener:** where’s  _ your _ mom? 

**Harley Keener:** oh god that was a bad joke ignore that 

**Harley Keener:** rehab

**Harry:** dead

**Harley Keener:** _ yikes _

**Harley Keener:** sorry I asked

**Harry:** eh 

**Harry:** is your mom better now?

**Harley Keener:** she’s in remission but, you know, cancer never does go away

**Harry:** trust me  _ I _ know

**Harley Keener:** she’s actually in a drug study with your company

**Harley Keener:** the doctors think it’s going good

**Harry:** Dr. Connors is working on that one

**Harry:** he’s trying to figure out if there’s a way to regenerate healthy cell growth to gradually overwhelm the cancer cells

**Harley Keener:** yeah I read his dissertation on the study

**Harley Keener:** hope it works

**Harry:** you and me both

**Harry:** this could literally be the thing that makes or breaks this company and i’d rather it  _ not _ fall apart 

**Harley Keener:** I thought you hated it

**Harry:** i don’t hate the company

**Harry:** i never  _ wanted _ the company

**Harry:** but i don’t hate it

**Harley Keener:** I don’t  _ hate _ the diner

**Harley Keener:** but if it burned down tomorrow I wouldn’t be sad 

**Harry:** you would at the missing the paycheck

**Harley Keener:** but the  _ vacation _

**Harry:** insurance scam? 

**Harry:** set the place on fire and collect the vacation

**Harley Keener:** and go to jail for  _ arson _

**Harley Keener:** when the judge asks me why I did it I’m giving them your name

**Harry:** do it up

**Harry:** i got lawyers

**Harley Keener:** oh so you’d get me off?

**Harry:** no i’d sue you for defamation

**Harley Keener:** just kick me when I’m down

**Harry:** anyway this was fun

**Harry:** back to work with you

**Harley Keener:** I’m technically just hanging out  _ at _ work right now

**Harry:** back to work with me

**Harley Keener:** _ darlin’ it’s nine at night _

**Harry:** and if i want to be at home by midnight i need to get this done

**Harley Keener:** have you even  _ eaten _

**Harry:** not yet

**Harley Keener:** I’ll bring you something

**Harry:** no

**Harry:** you won’t

**Harley Keener:** it’s like two minutes out of my way on my walk back home

**Harley Keener:** do I just say I’m going to visit the CEO

**Harry:** just tell Pam to send you up

**Harley Keener:** you like diner food right

**Harley Keener:** cuz that’s all I have 

**Harry:** no pickles

**Harley Keener:** extra pickles got it

**Harry:** bitch

**Harley Keener:** but oh so pretty

**Harley Keener:** Pam said there was an  _ actual _ lab fire?

**Harley Keener:** I left your food with her

**Harley Keener:** eat it and  _ go home _

**Harley Keener:** she also agrees you’ve been working too much

**Harley Keener:** and please text me so I know you haven’t been eaten by a fire monster

**Harry:** “i’m beginning to think we’re not meant to meet, but that’s just bullshit. Eat up, workaholic.” smh

**Harley Keener:** you’re alive!

**Harry:** go to bed you have a kid that’s going to wake you up in four hours

**Harley Keener:** yes, sir

**Harley Keener:** good night, gorgeous

**Harry:** night, dick

**Harry:** thank you for the food   
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome Harley's bandmates. 😊

**_Groupies_ **

**Mikey:** _hey boys_

 **Tyler:** b o y z

 **Harley:** mornin’

 **Vic:** holla 

**Harley:** _hola_

 **Tyler:** _mis amigos_

 **Mikey:** we have a gig Saturday

 **Mikey:** worship me for being the best manager/front man ever

 **Vic:** I will fall to my knees and thank the rock and roll gods

 **Tyler:** is miss beth going to there to cheer us on

 **Harley:** and ruin her perfectly good ear drums?

 **Mikey:** you’ve probably already messed those up by being around her

 **Harley:** wow _rude_

 **Harley:** but no I’m going to have to find a sitter

 **Mikey:** want to use mine again?

 **Mikey:** just drop her off, Ma won’t mind

 **Harley:** are you sure? I don’t want to impose

 **Mikey:** you’re good, man

 **Harley:** I owe your mother so much

 **Mikey:** we _all_ owe Ma

 **Tyler:** i miss ma’s cooking

 **Vic:** i miss Ma

 **Vic:** also b r o s 

**Vic:** did y’all hear about Harley’s new boy

 **Harley:** _Victor_

**Vic:** _victorious_

 **Tyler:** that show was the shit

 **Tyler:** but Harley has a new _booooooy_

 **Mikey:** who is this man

 **Mikey:** child

 **Harley:** if I was about to have another child someone _please_ stop me 

**Harley:** just cut off the dick

 **Tyler:** i got you

 **Harley:** true friendship

 **Mikey:** **_who is it_ **

**Harley:** no one

 **Vic:** _Harry Osborn_

 **Harley:** I hope you die a terrible and gruesome death

 **Vic:** you’d hurt the favorite uncle of your child that way?

 **Harley:** she’s got more than one... and Abbie

 **Vic:** _i don’t got abbie_

 **Vic:** **_yet_ **

**Harley:** ever

 **Vic:** _watch me woo your sister_

 **Harley:** if you even _touch_ my sister you will lose both hands

 **Tyler:** awe look at him trying to be all scary

 **Mikey:** _back up_

 **Mikey:** _Harry Osborn_

 **Mikey:** like _the_ Harry Osborn

 **Mikey:** like the rich famous son of a business sociopath

 **Mikey:** who od’d like three years ago on alcohol and anti-depessants

 **Harley:** Mike _what_

 **Mikey:** you didn’t know?

 **Mikey:** it was all over the news

 **Harley:** that’s literally no one’s business but his own

 **Vic:** i mean hell mike he actually likes this guy

 **Vic:** like a lot

 **Harley:** _he_ is right here

 **Tyler:** well? Do you like him?

 **Harley:** yeah

 **Harley:** yeah I do

 **Mikey:** oh 

**Mikey:** I didn’t mean anything

 **Harley:** yeah, Mike, I know

 **Mikey:** but you like him? 

**Harley:** I do

 **Harley:** he’s funny and charming and _god_ I saw him like twice in my life and it was enough to stick

 **Vic:** how did you two even meet

 **Harley:** I do have friends you know

 **Harley:** outside of you three

 **Vic:** _shocking_

 **Tyler:** you would betray us this way

 **Mikey:** my heart is _broken_

 **Harley:** rip

 **Vic:** which friend?

 **Harley:** my old college roommate 

**Harley:** they’ve been friends for years

 **Tyler:** dope!

 **Tyler:** did he put in a good word for you

 **Harley:** I fucking hope so

 **Mikey:** well I have no doubt you’ll score your guy anytime now

 **Mikey:** but we’re all good for the gig Saturday yeah?

 **Vic:** obviously

 **Vic:** you should invite him

 **Harley:** maybe I will

 **Tyler:** do it!

 **Tyler:** i want to meet him and tell all of your secrets

 **Vic:** ^

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** so

 **Harry:** so

 **Harley Keener:** so I have a show saturday

 **Harry:** lovely

 **Harry:** i have the therapist on Saturday

 **Harley Keener:** now _that_ sounds like a party

 **Harry:** nothing says a party if you don’t cry at least once

 **Harley Keener:** that’s like all of the best parties in high school

 **Harley Keener:** and the two I went to in college

 **Harry:** god i went to more than two

 **Harley Keener:** you?

 **Harley Keener:** Mr. Workaholic?

 **Harley Keener:** a _partier_?

 **Harry:** a _partier_

 **Harry:** never again

 **Harry:** the extent of my partying now is a child’s birthday party once a year

 **Harley Keener:** the true party right there

 **Harley Keener:** nothing ever gets as crazy as a kid’s birthday party

 **Harry:** seriously those kids are terrifying

 **Harley Keener:** what was the worst thing you’ve ever seen a kid do

 **Harry:** swan dive into a cake

 **Harley Keener:** _oh_?

 **Harry:** no wait

 **Harry:** have a fart competition

 **Harley Keener:** I’m so glad I had a girl

 **Harry:** don’t be 

**Harry:** a girl was running the entire thing

 **Harley Keener:** _exactly_

 **Harley Keener:** little genius princesses

 **Harley Keener:** all of them

 **Harry:** i like how much you like being a dad

 **Harley Keener:** yeah? 

**Harley Keener:** getting genuine on me again?

 **Harry:** it’s nice

 **Harry:** refreshing 

**Harry:** you know to know that not every parent resents being a parent

 **Harley Keener:** I love it 

**Harley Keener:** sure she was a surprise but I wouldn’t give her up for the world

 **Harley Keener:** I’m sure most parents feel the same

 **Harry:** not enough

 **Harley Keener:** never enough

  
  


**Harry:** where’s her mom

 **Harley Keener:** Beth?

 **Harley Keener:** idk probably in Paris or something

 **Harley Keener:** she never wanted her so she signed over all the rights to me and left to go be a model or something

 **Harry:** so you got a model?

 **Harley Keener:** hoping to get two

 **Harry:** two?

 **Harley Keener:** yeah you know

 **Harley Keener:** you’ve been in photoshoots

 **Harry:** so close to that third strike

 **Harley Keener:** do you say that whenever I make you blush?

 **Harry:** mm wouldn’t you like to know

 **Harley Keener:** I’m happy to stick with that image in my imagination

 **Harry:** such a pathetic use of imagination

 **Harley Keener:** I think it’s a pretty great image

**_Liz Allan_ **

**Liz:** you’re blushing

 **Liz:** _you’re actually blushing_

 **Harry:** shut

 **Liz:** I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush before this is _huge_

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** on another note

 **Harley Keener:** what are you up to?

 **Harley Keener:** ragale me tales of the rich lifestyle you lead

 **Harry:** so rich

 **Harry:** so rich i’m spending the afternoon with my godson

 **Harley Keener:** wait you’re _not in the office_

 **Harley Keener:** can it even survive without you there

 **Harry:** honestly? Probably not

 **Harley Keener:** but only for the godson

 **Harry:** only for him

 **Harley Keener:** what are you two doing?

 **Harry:** three

 **Harry:** his mom’s here too

 **Harry:** we’re getting frozen yogurt and going to the movies

 **Harley Keener:** two of my favorite activities

 **Harley Keener:** what’s he making you see?

 **Harry:** some Disney movie

 **Harley Keener:** _some Disney movie_

 **Harley Keener:** like Disney isn’t a _pillar_ of this world’s civilization

 **Harry:** so dramatic

 **Harley Keener:** so _honest_

 **Harley Keener:** Disney is the _shit_ you charleton

 **Harry:** are you one of those freaks that goes to Disney once a year

 **Harley Keener:** do you have any _idea_ how expensive that is

 **Harley Keener:** no

 **Harley Keener:** I _do_ have a one year old, though and she _loves_ Princess and the Frog

 **Harry:** that’s the one with the Jazz music right?

 **Harley Keener:** you bet it is

 **Harry:** the songs were pretty cool

 **Harley Keener:** _pretty cool he says_

 **Harry:** what did i say wrong

 **Harley Keener:** they’re _amazing_ is what you mean

 **Harley Keener:** arguably one of the best soundtracks

 **Harry:** sure?

 **Harry:** i don’t know enough to form an opinion

 **Harley Keener:** that sounded so _professional_ stop it

 **Harry:** yikes 

**Harry:** i’ll just stop talking then

 **Harley Keener:** don’t you dare

 **Harley Keener:** my only adult interaction is you today

 **Harry:** should i feel special or concerned

 **Harley Keener:** probably a bit of both tbh

 **Harry:** i’m severely worried about your mental health

 **Harley Keener:** oh god s a m e 

**Harley Keener:** hey I have a kind of serious question

 **Harry:** i don’t have an answer

 **Harley Keener:** you shouldn’t it’s like 2am _go to sleep_

 **Harry:** i’ll sleep when i’m dead

 **Harry:** what’s up

 **Harley Keener:** I feel bad asking

 **Harry:** so don’t ask

 **Harley Keener:** valid response 

**Harley Keener:** I won’t ask then

 **Harley Keener:** wait _why are you awake_

 **Harry:** for reasons previously unknown

 **Harley Keener:** is that a fancy way of saying that you can’t sleep

 **Harry:** got it in one

 **Harley Keener:** me neither

 **Harley Keener:** Ma asked to take Beth overnight for a girl’s night sleepover so I’m just wallowing in loneliness 

**Harry:** most people would use this time to catch up on sleep

 **Harley Keener:** I’m pathetic and watching children’s cartoons 

**Harley Keener:** I miss my baby girl

 **Harry:** you’ll get to pick her up in like eight hours

 **Harry:** think of it like a work day

 **Harley Keener:** that’s not helpful I hate work

 **Harry:** you’ve been there for years 

**Harley Keener:** well I don’t… _hate_ work I just don’t

 **Harry:** _love it_

 **Harley Keener:** exactly

 **Harley Keener:** it’s not what I want to do forever

 **Harry:** then what is

 **Harley Keener:** be a dad

 **Harry:** got that in one

 **Harley Keener:** make music

 **Harry:** that one’s a little bit harder

 **Harley Keener:** only if you’re doing it for money

 **Harley Keener:** which I’m not

 **Harry:** like you wouldn’t be extremely happy to make money doing what you love

 **Harley Keener:** ofc I would be I’m not stupid

 **Harley Keener:** I would just make music regardless of if I made any money off it

 **Harley Keener:** I love doing it 

**Harley Keener:** what about you

 **Harry:** music’s cool

 **Harry:** i met Liz through dance class in college

 **Harley Keener:** _coming back to that_

 **Harley Keener:** I meant what do you want to do with your life

 **Harry:** you get deep at 2am

 **Harley Keener:** I tend to

 **Harry:** real answer or bullshit answer

 **Harley Keener:** whichever you’re willing to give

 **Harry:** i just want to be happy

 **Harley Keener:** is that the real answer or bullshit answer

 **Harry:** only time will tell

**Harley Keener:** back to that dance class

 **Harry:** Harley it’s three in the morning

 **Harley Keener:** like you’re sleeping, smh

 **Harry:** that’s besides the point

 **Harley Keener:** so you took dance class in college 

**Harry:** yes

 **Harley Keener:** what _type_ of dance class in college

 **Harry:** the type where you dance

 **Harley Keener:** don’t be cagey

 **Harley Keener:** jazz, hip-hop, tap, contemporary, modern, ballroom?

 **Harry:** neither

 **Harley Keener:** _give me answers, man_

 **Harry:** i don’t think i want to 

**Harley Keener:** no no no 

**Harley Keener:** you can’t just drop this nugget and not tell me more

 **Harley Keener:** I’ll ask Peter

 **Harry:** lmao Peter doesn’t know

 **Harley Keener:** _what_

 **Harry:** i went to school in Boston and he stayed here

 **Harry:** it was an art’s credit 

**Harry:** and we kind of fell out of contact after freshman year 

**Harley Keener:** you mean you two weren’t attached at the hip your entire lives

 **Harley Keener:** I feel like this is a cleverly designed plot to get me to _not_ ask him

 **Harry:** yes because i can think up cleverly designed plots at 3am

 **Harley Keener:** you mean you _didn’t_ plan world domination at three in the morning

 **Harley Keener:** it _is_ the witching hour

 **Harry:** you’re such a dork

 **Harley Keener:** you’re so observant

 **Harry:** tell me about your music

 **Harley Keener:** it’s as beautiful as you

 **Harry:** so not very good?

 **Harley Keener:** don’t do that

 **Harry:** don’t do what

 **Harley Keener:** put yourself down

 **Harry:** you’re right 

**Harry:** i’m sorry

 **Harley Keener:** it’s cool 

**Harry:** my looks are all i have going for me

 **Harley Keener:** _fuck_

 **Harley Keener:** should I be worried about you

 **Harry:** no i’m just a well of dry humor

 **Harley Keener:** self-deprecating dry humor

 **Harley Keener:** confidence is sexy

 **Harry:** and i am _confidently_ the worst

 **Harley Keener:** you dick

 **Harry:** what up with the deep questions today

 **Harley Keener:** nothing I just

 **Harley Keener:** you’re okay right? 

**Harley Keener:** like you’re not overworking and putting everyone else first just because that’s all you know?

 **Harry:** i’m okay, Harley

 **Harley Keener:** yeah?

 **Harley Keener:** like I know we’ve only been talking little over a month but idk I want you to be okay

 **Harry:** there’s only so much okay clinical depression can be 

**Harry:** but i’m okay

 **Harry:** i’m not on the verge of anything bad 

**Harley Keener:** good cuz like… I’m here if you ever are

 **Harley Keener:** not to try to make you feel better or anything but… to be here 

**Harley Keener:** whenever and however you need me to be

 **Harry:** this was really bothering you wasn’t it

 **Harley Keener:** haha

 **Harley Keener:** a little

 **Harry:** i’m okay 

**Harry:** i’m on medication, visit my therapist biweekly, and avoid all forms of alcohol

 **Harley Keener:** and shellfish

 **Harry:** and shellfish

 **Harley Keener:** and apparently pickles

 **Harry:** man fuck pickles

 **Harley Keener:** hahahahaha

 **Harley Keener:** you’re amazing

 **Harry:** serious answer here are you ready

 **Harley Keener:** lay one on me

 **Harry:** you’re not so bad yourself

 **Harley Keener:** does that mean I’m not as close to strike three as I previously was?

 **Harry:** oh no you’re still toeing the line 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**_Perpetual Annoyance_ **

**Peter:** you need a vacation

**Peter:** don’t ignore me

**Peter:** _Osborn_

**Peter:** i am  _ heartbroken _

**Peter:** four  _ unanswered texts _

**Peter:** i’d be worried if i couldn’t track your location

**Harry:** that’s creepy

**Peter:** you’re alive!

**Peter:** not that i didn’t know that

**Peter:** what are you doing

**Harry:** something completely foreign to you

**Harry:** _ working _

**Peter:** _ hey _

**Peter:** i work

**Peter:** i’m working right now

**Peter:** i  _ should _ be working anyway

**Peter:** is everything going okay, though

**Peter:** you usually don’t ignore my texts

**Peter:** Harry?

**Peter:** Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaar

**Peter:** _ Harold _

**Peter:** i’m 90% sure you’re just ignoring my texts and let me tell you Harold Theopolis that  _ hurts _

**Harry:** rip

**Peter:** you  _ bitch _

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** I am dying of exhaustion 

**Harley Keener:** but Beth doesn’t give a shit

**Harry:** Beth is valid

**Harley Keener:** stop siding with my child

**Harley Keener:** everyone sides with my child

**Harley Keener:** someone needs to side with me

**Harry:** support is crucial in a child’s development

**Harley Keener:** but what about  _ my _ development

**Harry:** you’re an adult and therefore fully developed

**Harry:** soooo… sucks to suck

**Harley Keener:** _ you know what _

**Harry:** _ what _

**Harley Keener:** you’re lucky you’re cute

**Harry:** thems the facts

**Harry:** it’s certainly helped me survive lots in this vessel we call a body

**Harley Keener:** _ wtf _

**Harry:** i’m overworked today

**Harley Keener:** waxing Jane Austen up in here

**Harry:** i don’t think you’ve ever read Jane Austen in your life

**Harley Keener:** _ excuse you _

**Harley Keener:** Persuasion was fucking lit

**Harry:** i’ve struck a nerve

**Harry:** i have something to confess

**Harry:** i’ve never read Jane Austen in my life

**Harley Keener:** _ heathen _

**Harry:** i know

**Harley Keener:** how do you survive

**Harry:** i don’t i’m actually a ghost

**Harley Keener:** the absolute  _ shock _

**Harley Keener:** you make a lot of jokes about dying

**Harry:** it’s a gut answer 

**Harley Keener:** I have a question

**Harry:** no

**Harley Keener:** I’m asking anyway

**Harley Keener:** Beth is demanding attention as babies do 

**Harley Keener:** could I call?

**Harry:** oh

**Harry:** i guess?

**Harry:** i’m doing work though

**Harley Keener:** oh! 

**Harley Keener:** I could not

**Harley Keener:** don’t want to distract you

**Harry:** you’re always distracting

**Harley Keener:** I’m  _ distracting _

**Harry:** i wasn’t paying you a compliment

**Harley Keener:** too bad, I’m taking it as one

**Harry:** of course you are

**Harry:** yes you can call

**Harry:** as long as you don’t mind being on speaker

**Harley Keener:** not at all

**Harley Keener:** because you will be too

**_Incoming Call from Harley Keener_ **

**_Slide to accept_ **

Harry’s finger hovered over the green phone.  _ That _ was fast. Truth be told, Harry tended to avoid any and all phone calls that weren’t required of him. He  _ hated _ talking on the phone. Hated the obligation that it tended to bring. The only people he ever called were Peter, Liz and Stan, and his father. Or well… probably just those two now that his father was gone. Harry wasn’t calling him beyond the grave. Harry actually tried his best to  _ avoid _ those calls when Norman  _ was _ alive. 

He frowned and gnawed on his lip and debated for much too long on actually answering the call or not. The anxiety swirling in his stomach was swirling like a tornado and it was  _ familiar _ in the fluttering winds and it caught in his throat and danced in a tremor of his hands. Harry smoothed the tip of his tongue over where his teeth had dug in moments before. 

_ Answer it _ , he thought.  _ Stop being an idiot and answer it _ . 

He slid the green phone to the right and immediately pressed the button for the speaker phone function. “Oh hey,” the usually silent office, save for whatever city sounds managed to echo as far up as his office, was filled with the steady noise of a busy kitchen. Dishes clanged in a sink as water ran and a children’s cartoon of some sort played at a medium volume in the background. But Harry though could only really focus on one thing, the smooth, silky and slow tones of Harley’s voice. “Decided to answer?” It brought an instant blush to Harry’s cheeks and he covered his face from the view of absolutely no one, heat spreading across his nose to the tips of his ears. 

“I almost sent you to voicemail,” Harry replied as easily as he could and Harry had  _ practice _ in faking nonchalance. He had molded, mastered, and expertly crafted the image of the unaffected by the time he was thirteen. It was silly, perhaps, that the voice of a cute boy was enough to send him over the edge at twenty five. “Wondered if you’d take  _ that _ as a compliment.” 

Harley’s  _ laugh _ was as unyielding as the man - it started in his chest and flew out of his mouth like it was a practiced route to take. The sink cut off. “Darlin’ you picking up is the biggest compliment you could ever give me.” 

“Disgusting.” Harry said even with a smile twitching at his face. “I’m going to go now.” 

“Don’t you  _ dare _ hang up that phone!” Harley quickly countered. “Shit,” He said when what sounded like a bowl clanged to the ground. “ _ Fuck _ , censor yourself there are little ears present.” He spoke in time with telltale baby babble and Harry’s own laugh was much softer and more subdued and there was  _ no way _ he was getting any work done now. He frowned at the report in front of him, tapped the tip of the pen against the dark wood of his desk and figured that it could wait. At least until the end of the call. 

“If her first word isn’t a swear I’ll be surprised.” 

“Her first word was banana actually, be impressed by my little genius.” His voice upticked on the last few words, higher than the others and said while Harry assumed he picked Beth up. If the strain in his voice was anything to go by. “Aren’t you a little genius?” A squeal, much like that of Harley’s laugh, echoed over the phone speaker and Harry winced at the pitch of it as it distorted over the sound. “By the way, you sound  _ nothing _ like I imagined.”

“Is that a bad thing?” The pen tapped out a beat without a rhythm and Harry was no musician but it matched the beat of his heart. 

“No,” Harley said, the word softer and it was a quick rebuttal, meant to dispute any doubt that Harry had clouding his mind. “That’s wonderful.” 

Curse him. 

Curse this  _ man _ that Harry had met only  _ once _ for being able to say such a thing without any idea how it affected him. He breathed in slow and steady after a moment of pause and refused to admit that Harley had effectively taken his breath away with brutal honesty. Harry wasn’t that easy. He had  _ never _ been that easy. “I could always sound more New York if you’d like.” 

“You mean you  _ don’t _ ?” 

“Like  _ you _ don’t have a thick accent.”

“Darlin’, I’m from Tennessee. Of  _ course _ I have an accent.” Harley huffed and Beth babbled and Harry’s cheeks were still so warm he was beginning to think he could fry an egg on them. “Don’t change the subject here.  _ You _ sound too nice to be the CEO of a biotech company.” 

“I sound  _ too nice _ ?” Harry scoffed and kicked his feet against the floor. His chair spun until he was facing the ceiling to floor wall of windows behind his desk, New York laid out in all her glory below his feet. The city was never quiet and it never slept, even when it was seven at night on a Thursday. Harry theorized the city wouldn’t sleep until  _ he _ did - or at the very least until  _ Peter _ (who’s sleep schedule was worse than Harry’s ever dreamed of being) did. “I could always sound like my father.” Because Norman Osborn had a  _ voice _ to him that used to send shivers down the spine of even business allies. And Harry had been known, occasionally, to channel the man that had raised him in the boardroom. It was never really  _ cold _ but never exactly nice. It got things done, it demanded respect and it was the exact opposite of what Harry wanted himself to be. “But trust me, Mister Keener, that wouldn’t exactly be for the good of us all.” 

Harley was silent for a moment, save for the sound of a spoon hitting a bowl and the mashed noises of Beth eating. “Was that as painful for you as it sounded?” His voice sounded just on the edge of teasing, though. A bit too knowing for Harry to be very comfortable with. 

He toyed with the pen in his hand, twisted it through fingers and felt his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks. “What’s on the menu for dinner?” 

“Well, Lizzy here is having some sweet potato pure bullshit and I’m eating dinosaur nuggets like the true adult that I am.” 

“A true gourmet meal.” 

“Thank you, I’m serving it at a five star restaurant. $200 a nugget.” 

“A  _ nugget _ ?” Harry laughed, a little louder than he had before. Car headlights twinkled down below. “Those nuggets better be made out of real dinosaurs.” 

“They are only made out of the finest of chicken.” 

“But not dinosaurs? What is this nonsense.” 

“And what are  _ you _ eating, Mister Osborn? To be so critical of my food.” 

And that reminded Harry. It was seven, nearing seven thirty, he had been in the office since before breakfast and… still only had yogurt and energy drinks in his refrigerator. Almost all of the people that worked in the office with him were gone for the day - save security - and Harry had foolishly skipped lunch. He rubbed at his forehead and repressed a sigh. “Probably take out.” 

“Probably takeout.” Harley echoed. “When was the last time you cooked for yourself?” 

“I know how to cook.” Harry  _ didn’t _ , actually, know how to cook. 

“I didn’t accuse you of not knowing how to cook.” Harry could practically hear the eye roll. “I asked you when you last cooked for yourself.” 

He searched his mind for the last instance and came up nearly blank. “I made toast last weekend.” 

“ _ Toast _ ?” Harley said incredulously. “Lizzy could make toast!” 

“You shouldn’t let a one year old near a toaster.”

“I’m not saying I’d  _ let her _ , I’m saying she could probably figure it out.” Beth’s hands hit the table as though in agreement. “And she is  _ fifteen months _ old, get it right,  _ Harold _ .” 

Harry refused to acknowledge the chill that ran up his spine at the way his name curled around Harley’s tongue like it was something precious. “I don’t really have the time.” 

“I’m working two jobs and raising a baby and  _ I  _ have the time to make more than toast.” Harley countered but it was light and teasing, not accusatory and rude. Harry  _ knew _ he worked too much and he was well aware that he lacked the basic skills to survive on his own if, godforbid, the company ever tanked. “Don’t worry, I’ll share some of my nuggets.” 

“The  _ two hundred _ dollar nuggets?” Harry scratched at his nose in an effort to hide his smile from his reflection. “You’re so kind.” 

“I know. I’m truly altruistic.” 

“A true hero that walks amongst us.” 

“A god among men.” 

“Now _ that’s _ going a little far.” 

“I am  _ offended _ .” Harley laughed, though, and Beth seemed to laugh in echo to him. A splatter, big and loud, echoed, though and Harry found himself smiling, despite knowing what was going to come. “I am  _ also _ now covered in sweet potatoes and have to give a baby a bath.” 

“I should get back to work anyway.” Harry said softly, his eyes drifting back to the untouched report on his desk. He wasn’t even halfway through it. 

“ _ You _ should get something to eat that’s not yogurt.” Harley replied, a little bit farther away. “But that’s just this humble pauper’s suggestion.” 

“One second you’re a god and the next you’re a pauper. Having an identity crisis there?” 

“Every single day.” 

“Go give Beth a bath.” 

“Go get something to eat.” 

“ _ Bye _ , Harley.” 

“Bye, darlin’.” 

**_Perpetual Annoyance _ **

**Harry:** want to grab dinner

**Peter:** _ before eight? _

**Peter:** yes ofc

**Peter:** are we going out or???

**Harry:** that depends

**Peter:** on what?

**Harry:** is MJ home?

**Peter:** no?

**Harry:** then the house is fine. I’ll bring take out.

**Peter:** is this a  _ talk _

**Peter:** are we  _ talking about something _

**Harry:** not if you don’t shut up

**Harry:** i can talk to Liz

**Peter:** _ don’t you d a r e _

**Harry:** i’ll be there in twenty

**Peter:** you have a  **_cruuuuuush_ **

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** are you up

**Harley Keener:** regale me with tales of your rich life 

**Harley Keener:** or don’t that’s fine too

**Harley Keener:** oh god what if you’re actually sleeping

**Harley Keener:** _ yikes _

**Harley Keener:** I’m used to you always being awake I’m sorry

**Harry:** ‘m up

**Harley Keener:** only because I woke you up

**Harry:** you’re not that special

**Harry:** my phone was on silent

**Harley Keener:** why are you even up then

**Harry:** bold of you to assume that i was sleeping

**Harley Keener:** when do you even sleep

**Harry:** almost never tbh

**Harry:** i’m some sort of never sleeping cryptid

**Harley Keener:** vampire

**Harry:** vampires sleep during the day

**Harry:** _ god _ learn your mythology

**Harley Keener:** please forgive me

**Harry:** maybe

**Harry:** the real question here is:  _ why are you up _

**Harley Keener:** sleep is for the weak 

**Harry:** and you are weak

**Harley Keener:** rude

**Harley Keener:** I don’t want to talk to you now

**Harry:** damn 

**Harry:** okay then byeeee

**Harley Keener:** _ no don’t _

**Harley Keener:** have you ever had a nightmare so bad that closing your eyes just throws you back into it

**Harry:** did you mean: my life

**Harley Keener:** I absolutely did  _ not _

**Harry:** what’s up, Keener

**Harley Keener:** well I mean

**Harley Keener:** I had a nightmare

**Harry:** do you want to talk about it

**Harry:** or do you want me to crack shitty and insensitive jokes until you can sleep

**Harley Keener:** lowkey want to do both

**Harry:** all right then let’s do this

**Harley Keener:** _ let’s do this shit _

**Harry:** get talking 

**Harry:** i don’t have all day

**Harley Keener:** oh you have something else to do?

**Harry:** yes

**Harry:** sleep

**Harley Keener:** I thought you didn’t sleep

**Harry:** i plug myself in to recharge

**Harley Keener:** plug yourself in and listen

**Harry:** no the outlet is too far away

**Harley Keener:** rip

**Harley Keener:** it was just a nightmare

**Harry:** that sent you texting  _ me _ at two in the morning

**Harley Keener:** darlin’, I’d text you any time of the day

**Harry:** you’re sweet but you texted for a distraction

**Harley Keener:** so distract

**Harry:** you’re so demanding

**Harley Keener:** _ please _

**Harry:** smh

**Harry:** i made myself an actual dinner tonight

**Harley Keener:** _ stop the presses _

**Harley Keener:** we got ourselves a new headline

**Harley Keener:** **_Harry Osborn cooked himself dinner_ **

**Harry:** dramatic

**Harry:** i know how to cook

**Harry:** i just choose not to most days

**Harley Keener:** for some reason I don’t believe that you didn’t set anything on fire

**Harry:** i followed a recipe

**Harley Keener:** what did you make

**Harry:** chicken cacciatore

**Harley Keener:** _ oh? _

**Harry:** lmao i’m lying

**Harry:** i made grilled cheese

**Harley Keener:** somehow I’m  _ more _ impressed

**Harry:** i should be insulted

**Harry:** i run a company

**Harley Keener:** I didn’t know you knew what a grilled cheese was

**Harry:** i  _ was _ a college student at one point

**Harley Keener:** that implies you didn’t know what grilled cheese was  _ until college _

**Harry:** i

**Harry:** i can  _ explain _

**Harley Keener:** omg

**Harley Keener:** _ please _ try

**Harry:** i knew what it  _ was _

**Harry:** i just

**Harry:** only ever had it if Ben made it

**Harley Keener:** Ben?

**Harry:** Peter’s uncle

**Harley Keener:** you spent a lot of time there?

**Harry:** i wouldn’t say  _ a lot _

**Harry:** but you know

**Harry:** we’ve been friends forever so we spent a good deal of time with each other 

**Harley Keener:** like me and Mikey

**Harry:** i mean yeah sure

**Harley Keener:** he’s in the band 

**Harley Keener:** we were neighbors growing up and Mikey moved here with his ma in high school

**Harley Keener:** they help me out a lot with Beth

**Harry:** then yeah

**Harry:** like you and Mikey

**Harley Keener:** that’s adorable

**Harley Keener:** how did your grilled cheese dinner go

**Harry:** it’s significantly better when you’re a kid

**Harley Keener:** that just means you’re not cooking it right

**Harry:** i mean probably

**Harry:** listen i’m a cooking novice you can’t hold it against me

**Harley Keener:** you have a  _ doctorate _

**Harry:** yeah

**Harry:** _ in biology _

**Harley Keener:** clearly I’ll be doing all the cooking here

**Harry:** i mean clearly

**Harley Keener:** I’ll make you a fancy meal 

**Harley Keener:** with extra shellfish and pickles

**Harry:** if you want me to die 

**Harley Keener:** only once you’ve put me on your life insurance policy

**Harry:** devious

**Harry:** what are you allergic to

**Harley Keener:** pine

**Harry:** so nothing that will kill you

**Harley Keener:** idk man inject me with some pine let’s find out

**Harry:** i can’t do that to Beth 

**Harley Keener:** but you can do it to me 

**Harry:** you suggested it

**Harley Keener:** I didn’t think you’d  _ do _ it

**Harry:** i have access to so much weird shit 

**Harley Keener:** like  _ what _

**Harry:** like payroll? 

**Harry:** like

**Harry:** like

**Harry:** _ labs _

**Harry:** like my signature _ means something _ and that’s  _ weird _

**Harley Keener:** I feel like you’re edging into delirious

**Harry:** bah

**Harley Keener:** _ bah _

**Harley Keener:** are you a sheep

**Harry:** i’m running on sudafed and 

**Harry:** croutons

**Harley Keener:** you have  _ all that money _

**Harley Keener:** and you spend it on sudafed and croutons

**Harry:** and blankets

**Harry:** i could make a fucking awesome blanket fort

**Harley Keener:** are you sick?

**Harley Keener:** based off the sudafed

**Harry:** tis just a cold

**Harry:** Liz says it’s from working too much 

**Harry:** and she  _ might _ be right who knows

**Harley Keener:** not you

**Harry:** i would  _ never _ tell Liz she’s wrong

**Harry:** i  _ dare you _ to tell Liz Allen she’s wrong about something

**Harley Keener:** what do I get if I do exactly that

**Harry:** idk what do you want

**Harley Keener:** a date

**Harry:** with Liz?

**Harry:** i mean i cna sk

**Harry:** wow

**Harry:** can ask*

**Harley Keener:** I don’t want a date with Liz

**Harley Keener:** she’s great she’s just not really my type

**Harry:** oh?

**Harry:** what’s your type?

**Harley Keener:** smart dumbassses that I’ve been flirting with for  _ months _

**Harry:** yikes good luck

**Harley Keener:** _ Harry _

**Harley Keener:** has anyone told you that you’re incredibly insufferable

**Harry:** at least twice daily

**Harley Keener:** if I take you up on that bet

**Harley Keener:** can I get a date

**Harley Keener:** _ with you _

**Harry:** hmm

**Harry:** idk 

**Harry:** _ maybe _

**Harley Keener:** _ maybe _

**Harry:** yeah 

**Harry:** ask me again when i’m not high on sudafed

**Harley Keener:** then will you say yes

**Harry:** who knows what tomorrow holds

**Harley Keener:** insufferable

**Harry:** it’s part of my charm

**Harry:** oh!

**Harry:** are you feeling better

**Harley Keener:** yeah, Harry I am

**Harry:** yay

**Harry:** go to bed

**Harry:** Beth’ll be up in like

**Harry:** three hours

**Harley Keener:** don’t go into work tomorrow if you’re still sick, okay?

**Harry:** _ eh _

**Harley Keener:** I think Oscorp can survive without you for a day

**Harry:** debatable

**Harry:** but okay

**Harry:** for you

**Harley Keener:** for me?

**Harry:** just for you

**Harley Keener:** you’re adorable when you’re half asleep, you know that, right? 

**Harry:** rude

**Harry:** i’m 100% thug

**Harley Keener:** that’s a hilarious joke

**Harley Keener:** night, darlin’

**Harry:** night, Lee

**Harley Keener:** _ Lee _

**_Bitch Squad_ **

**Betty:** Harry’s sick and 

**Betty:** get this

**Liz:** oh no

**Liz:** did you get Stan’s cold?

**Harry:** worth it

**Liz:** you’re so good to him

**MJ:** shh Betty was telling a story

**Betty:** thank you

**Betty:** _ he  _ **_called out_ **

**Harry:** rest is vital to recovery

**MJ:** _ rest is vital to recovery _

**Liz:** _oh god how sick are you_

**Betty:** are you dying

**MJ:** don’t die

**MJ:** it would be Peter’s villain origin story

**Harry:** i’m not  _ dying _

**Harry:** i’m just  _ resting _

**Liz:** i’m so proud of you

**MJ:** you  _ never _ call out

**MJ:** do you want me to stop over with soup or something

**Harry:** no

**Liz:** do you want me and Stan to?

**Liz:** he’ll insist if he finds out his favorite uncle is sick

**Harry:** i’m  _ fine _

**Harry:** i just have a cold

**Betty:** and  _ took a day off _

**Betty:** not that it’s a bad thing

**Betty:** you need more than one day off, tbh

**Harry:** i don’t even like having  _ one _ day off

**Liz:** Stan found out

**Harry:** you told him

**Liz:** you can’t prove anything 

**Liz:** we’ll be over for lunch 

**Harry:** i regret giving you a key

**Liz:** no you don’t

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley Keener:** how are you feeling

**Harry:** it’s just a cold 

**Harry:** why is everyone so concerned

**Harley Keener:** I mean I could always not give a shit

**Harry:** no it’s fine

**Harry:** i’m just cranky

**Harley Keener:** I thought that was just who you were

**Harry:** i mean it is

**Harry:** Liz is coming over 

**Harley Keener:** and you don’t want her to come over

**Harry:** i just

**Harry:** nvm

**Harley Keener:** no go on

**Harry:** i just

**Harry:** they don’t trust me to be alone

**Harley Keener:** they?

**Harry:** Liz

**Harry:** Peter

**Harry:** the general public

**Harry:** it’s like… i do something  _ once _ and now suddenly they’re terrified that i’ll do it again if i’m alone

**Harley Keener:** maybe they’re just worried

**Harry:** they  _ are _ just worried and i love them for it i really do 

**Harry:** i just 

**Harley Keener:** you don’t like being treated like you’re broken

**Harry:** i don’t like being treated like i’m broken

**Harley Keener:** because you’re not

**Harry:** i’m  _ not _

**Harley Keener:** I’m not arguing with you

**Harley Keener:** you’re not broken

**Harry:** i did something stupid years ago

**Harry:** _ years _

**Harry:** and i quit drinking and i go to a therapist now and i’m  _ trying _ but it doesn’t seem like enough sometimes

**Harley Keener:** it  _ is _ enough

**Harry:** can you maybe tell them that

**Harley Keener:** I think it would be best if you told them that

**Harley Keener:** Beth’s mom has her… issues

**Harley Keener:** and she had  _ bad _ depression after giving birth

**Harley Keener:** she didn’t do anything but she threatened it

**Harry:** i didn’t  _ want _ to do anything

**Harley Keener:** do they know that, though?

**Harry:** i’ve told them

**Harley Keener:** it must have been scary

**Harley Keener:** if we’re talking about what I think we are

**Harry:** i just wanted to sleep

**Harley Keener:** what exactly happened

**Harry:** apparently i was acting off

**Harry:** i don’t really remember much of it

**Harry:** Peter… 

**Harley Keener:** found you?

**Harry:** he almost fought my dad in the hospital apparently

**Harley Keener:** Peter Parker? Fight someone?

**Harley Keener:** that little asthmatic? 

**Harry:** he’s so convinced i’m not happy

**Harley Keener:** are you?

**Harry:** it’s not something that happens overnight

**Harry:** but i’m  _ trying _

**Harley Keener:** you shouldn’t have to try so hard

**Harley Keener:** with them

**Harry:** but it’s not fair to be so hard on them for caring

**Harley Keener:** you’re entitled to your emotions

**Harley Keener:** Beth’s mom, Kara, couldn’t handle being a mom

**Harley Keener:** it made everything worse for her

**Harley Keener:** she never wanted to be a mom and we fought about it a lot

**Harley Keener:** it was best for  _ her _ and for  _ us _ that she left

**Harley Keener:** and it sucked

**Harley Keener:** and being a single dad isn’t what I ever wanted to be 

**Harley Keener:** _ but _ while I can understand and sympathize with her situation that doesn’t  _ remove _ the hurt that  _ I wasn’t good enough for her to stay _

**Harley Keener:** that she didn’t  _ love _ me and Beth enough for her to be okay

**Harley Keener:** or enough for her to  _ want _ to be okay

**Harley Keener:** and I guess what I’m trying to say is that

**Harley Keener:** they’re your friends 

**Harley Keener:** and you love them

**Harley Keener:** and can understand where they’re coming from

**Harley Keener:** but you don’t have to accept the hurt their actions are unintentionally causing

**Harry:** i don’t want them to come over

**Harley Keener:** and regardless of your past mistakes you’re allowed to tell them that

**Harry:** i don’t want to hurt Stan

**Harley Keener:** kid won’t be hurt

**Harley Keener:** and if he _ is _ than it’s on his mom to make sure he knows it’s not because of him

**Harry:** i just want to sit on my couch, watch shitty daytime tv and talk to you

**Harley Keener:** done and done, babe

**Harley Keener:** lock that door and stay in pjs all day

**Harley Keener:** I’ll be your phone adjacent entertainment

**Harry:** ha

**Harry:** promise

**Harley Keener:** promise

_**Contact name changed to** **: Harley** _

  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**_Bitch Squad_ **

**MJ:** how’s Harry doing

**Harry:** Harry is right here just ask him

**MJ:** boo, I was asking Liz

**Liz:** Harry told me not to come over 

**MJ:** but why

**Harry:** because it’s my house and i didn’t want guests?

**MJ:** but 

**Betty:** we just care, boo

**Harry:** i know that

**Harry:** but i’m also allowed to be alone aren’t i?

**Betty:** i guess

**Harry:** don’t send Peter over

**MJ:** I could

**Harry:** jfc

**Harry:** i’m not going to overdose when i have a cold and just want to have time to breathe 

**Harry:** that was  _ three years _ ago

**Liz:** no one said you were, Har

**Harry:** then start acting like it please

**Harry:** i go to therapy

**Harry:** i don’t drink

**Harry:** i went through  _ rehab _

**Harry:** i’m not broken and i don’t need a babysitting

**MJ:** god forbid people care

**Harry:** i’m not asking you not to care

**Harry:** i’m asking for  _ trust _

**Betty:** we trust you

**Betty:** i’m sorry it came off that way

**Betty:** i don’t like being alone when i’m sick

**Liz:** we’ve had our talk about this

**MJ:** _ we _ haven’t

**Liz:** to be fair, MJ

**Liz:** he  _ does _ have a point

**Liz:** we’ve been coddling 

**Liz:** and it’s not fair to him

**MJ:** but it’s fair to us

**Harry:** i’m tired of thinking of what’s fair to everyone else

**MJ:** sounds like privilege

**Betty:** please don’t fight

**Harry:** yes because i was  _ privileged _ to have an overdose and have my best friend find me

**Harry:** because i was  _ privileged _ to have a father that didn’t realize the shit his own son was going through until  _ after _ i almost died

**Harry:** because i was  _ privileged _ to  _ lose _ my father the same year we actually started making progress to a better relationship

**Harry:** because i was  _ privileged  _ with a legacy i  _ don’t want _

**Harry:** fucking hell, MJ take it i don’t want it

**Liz:** guys

**Betty:** this doesn’t actually have to be a big deal so he doesn’t want company right now 

**MJ:** he didn’t want company then either

**Harry:** i’m done

**Harry:** call me when you’re done dragging me for wanting a moment to myself

**Liz:** Harry 

**Betty:** :(

**_Perpetual Annoyance _ **

**Peter:** so

**Peter:** i talked to MJ

**Harry:** god please not you too

**Peter:** i’m not coming over

**Peter:** and i’m not mad

**Peter:** i just wish you told me earlier

**Harry:** told you what

**Peter:** that i was being a little over protective

**Harry:** i want to be left alone  _ once _

**Peter:** this isn’t just once though

**Peter:** you’re my best friend

**Peter:** you’re practically my brother

**Peter:** and it did get to a point where i didn’t even realize i was doing it

**Peter:** i don’t want you to think i don’t trust you

**Harry:** i know you trust me

**Peter:** do you?

**Peter:** because _i_ _do_ trust you

**Peter:** and i do recognize how much progress you’ve made

**Peter:** and i’m sorry for coddling

**Harry:** you didn’t even do anything wrong

**Peter:** not that you’ve said

**Peter:** but i know i contributed

**Harry:** Peter

**Peter:** i’ve held you to a standard that’s not fair

**Peter:** and who in your life hasn’t done that before

**Harry:** you’re  _ okay _

**Peter:** it’s  _ not _ okay though

**Peter:** you’re my best friend

**Harry:** and you’re not going to lose me

**Peter:** i’m sorry you didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me 

**Harry:** i didn’t want to let you down

**Peter:** never

**Peter:** Harry Osborn even when you were at your lowest you  _ never  _ let me down

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley:** heeeeeey

**Harry:** hi?

**Harley:** thanks for being there last night

**Harry:** you’re welcome

**Harley:** how are you feeling today

**Harry:** eh

**Harry:** on a scale of 1-10 i’m emotionally at like a 4 

**Harley:** physically?

**Harry:** 7

**Harley:** I can help

**Harley:** well

**Harley:** _ I _ can’t really help but I can try

**Harry:** don’t worry about it

**Harry:** how are you

**Harley:** excuse you I do what I want here

**Harley:** I’m good

**Harley:** we have a show tomorrow that I just found out I need to find a babysitter for

**Harry:** oh?

**Harry:** what do you usually do with her

**Harry:** wait that sounded mean

**Harry:** who usually watches her

**Harley:** Mikey’s mom 

**Harry:** she can’t this time?

**Harley:** lmao no

**Harley:** she’s got a date

**Harry:** _ oooo _

**Harley:** I know we’re all very excited for her

**Harley:** but yeah no babysitter

**Harley:** which could mean no show

**Harry:** i mean

**Harry:** i’m free

**Harley:** yeah but if I’m not playing is there really a point in going

**Harry:** no no

**Harry:** to watch her

**Harley:** to

**Harley:** you’re

**Harley:** you’re offering to  _ babysit _

**Harley:** I can’t pay

**Harry:** i didn’t ask for you to pay

**Harry:** and i have nothing else to do

**Harley:** _ I _ haven’t even met you

**Harry:** i mean wouldn’t you meet me to at least pick her up?

**Harley:** I

**Harley:** you’re right

**Harley:** oh god wow

**Harley:** are you sure?

**Harley:** I can’t just ask you

**Harry:** i’m offering

**Harry:** at this point i’m insisting

**Harry:** go play your show and wow the audience with your talent

**Harry:** i’ll keep an eye on her

**Harley:** are you  _ sure _

**Harley:** I can always just not go it’s not the end of the world

**Harry:** _ Harley _

**Harry:** i’m  _ sure _

**Harley:** shit uhm

**Harley:** okay

**Harley:** I have to work during the day though so Tyler’s watching her until 

**Harley:** well until you get there I guess

**Harry:** that’s cool

**Harry:** i assume your house has everything i need to watch a one year old

**Harley:** _ sixteen month old _

**Harry:** smh

**Harley:** but yeah

**Harley:** are you  _ really sure _ though cuz like

**Harry:** omg

**Harry:** Harley

**Harry:** _ i’m sure _

**Harry:** i’ll see you and Beth and  _ Tyler _ apparently tomorrow

**Harley:** okay

**Harry:** okay?

**Harley:** _ okay _

**_Perpetual Annoyance_ **

**Peter:** show tonight

**Peter:** come and meet your man

**Harry:** can’t 

**Harry:** i’m babysitting

**Peter:** Stan? 

**Peter:** i thought he was with his dad this weekend

**Harry:** i  _ do _ have more friends than you and Liz

**Peter:** that have kids?

**Peter:** _wait_

**Peter:** _ Harold tell me you’re not _

**Harry:** i don’t know what you’re talking about

**Peter:** omg you  _ are _

**Peter:** you coy little shit

**Harry:** you’re shorter than me

**Peter:** that’s besides the point

**Peter:** _ omfg _

**Harry:** byeeee

**Peter:** _ why is that so clever shit _

  
  


**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley:** you don’t have to do this

**Harry:** i’m literally already here shut up

**Harley:** omfg okay

**Harley:** tell Tyler to go fuck himself

**Harry:** ha

**Harry:** will do

Harley’s apartment building was actually exactly ten minutes away from  _ Harry’s _ and fifteen from Peter’s in the opposite direction. Harry had passed it a million times and been  _ in _ it more than once to duck out from the rain on a phone call in their lobby. He wondered if they had ever bumped into each other - a brush of shoulders as the rain pelted down around them - one going in and the other going out. To think he had been so close and so far away at the same time. 

Luckily for all of them, Harley’s apartment was located on the bottom floor and it was much too easily recognizable from it’s dull beige painted neighbors.  _ His _ was the only one with the door decorated with sticky cut outs and a wooden sign that proudly proclaimed how close it was to Halloween. There were string lights on a battery pack dangled over the door, Harley had taken the time to decorate the silver number four with black painter’s tape to give it an odd sort of mummy look, and the entry mat outside proudly stated that inside were  _ Boos _ . Harry’s lips twitched into a smile despite himself and he rolled his eyes as both his pathetically smitten nature and the exuberance of the apartment he was about to enter into. His knock was both light and loud and he was sure it was going to be awkward to meet someone that wasn’t even the owner of the apartment let alone the baby’s father but Harry had navigated his weight in awkward moments. A situation was only awkward if you  _ thought _ it was awkward anyway, so Harry bounced on his heels and told himself that this entire flirtation was completely normal. 

No matter what his psychiatrist told him with that sparkle in her eye. 

The door swung open after a moment of commotion on the other side and a passing tight smile with an older gentleman that walked past and the person peering around the door was much shorter than Harry had expected. He caught her when she teetered forward and Beth was certainly much more trusting than Harry actually thought was good for a baby because she giggled and grabbed onto his cool leather jacket sleeve with her pudgy hands. “Beth, baby girl, you can’t just run between my legs and  _ not _ get stepped on.”  _ That _ voice sounded much more the height that Harry had expected to be greeted with. He looked up through his eyelashes from where he was crouched and Tyler waved happily. “Hey, you must be the paramour. Actually, I know you are because no offense man, but I’ve seen your face in magazines.” 

“I’ve seen your face absolutely nowhere.” Harry reassured and Beth teetered backwards into Tyler’s legs. She was  _ strong  _ for someone so small and Harry’s hand went with hers, his sleeve still held captive in her grip. She was beautiful for a little thing - with a small upturned nose and bright green eyes. She had what was currently blonde hair in small waves on top of her head - too short to really do anything to and yet too long to not be brushed. She had four teeth that Harry could see and the gummiest smile but, if he were to be completely honest, he was gone the moment she giggled. 

“I see Miss Elizabeth has already claimed you as hers.” Tyler scoffed but bent down to grab her under her armpits and swing her up to sit on his hip. He tickled her stomach and got hit with a pudgy hand to his cheek in retaliation. They both looked appropriately offended. “Want to come in? Or babysit from the hallway?” 

“I mean babysitting from the hallway is  _ all _ the rage today but I think I’d rather babysit from the couch.” 

Tyler sneezed into a laugh and stepped aside so Harry could walk by him. The apartment itself was warm and bright and the faint smell of all purpose cleaner clung to absolutely everything. Harley had left an uncarved pumpkin with what was clearly Beth’s painting masterpiece in the center of the kitchen table, had a haphazard spread of pictures hanging on the walls, and empty wine bottles that doubled as holders for half burned taper candles. It seemed so quinstientally him and Harry hadn’t even  _ met  _ him beyond the phone screen in years. “There’s food in the fridge and Harley said to help yourself to whatever but to absolutely  _ not _ touch the styrofoam container and I genuinely do not understand why so  _ I _ say help yourself, dude.” 

“Did you just say all of that in one breath?” Harry shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over the back of a chair. 

“Maybe.” 

“Cool.” 

Tyler studied him for a moment with narrowed eyes and a small smile. “You’re pretty cool, aren’t you?” 

“No I am an absolute piece of shit but thank you for the vote of confidence.” 

Tyler laughed then, loud and unobstructed and placed Beth’s little feet on the spotless floor to let her teeter her way into the living room. Where she promptly buried her face into the couch cushion and started laughing as though it was the most hilarious thing she had ever seen. Babies were… something else completely. “Well, don’t mind me but I have to bounce. You’ll be good here? Like you’ve watched babies before?” 

“Beth is the first baby I have ever seen.” 

“Wait really?” 

“ _ No _ ,” Harry  _ did _ smile and it seemed to shock Tyler for just a moment before the tension in his shoulders melted. “Go on, I got this.” 

“Cool. See you! Bye Miss Beth.” 

She ignored him in favor of shoving her fist in her mouth. 

* * *

It was incredibly odd to be in so much of someone’s life and yet barely even know who they were. For all intents and purposes, Harry had met the most important person in Harley’s life before he even met the man and Beth seemed to lick him with her seal of approval. And he  _ meant _ lick. She had an oddly endearing obsession with  _ licking _ things. But, honestly, she was a good kid and Harley’s house was almost immaculately clean. Harry had heated up their dinner as per the instructions Harley had left on the counter, he had given her an hour long bath where they played with bubbles until both of them were pruney, and had read her three books to put her to sleep - light brown eyelashes fluttering shut against her baby soft cheeks. He had snooped a little - had found himself staring at the picture from what Harry assumed was Harley’s sister’s graduation for a bit too long. His eyes had traced the lines of his face, the angle of his nose, and the joy in his eyes. Harley hadn’t bothered trying to hide anything it seemed - his bedroom door was wide open, he had left everything in haphazard shapes on the floor and it was a complete juxtaposition from how Harry kept his living space. Neat and tidy and everything personal all but hidden away from view. 

Harley’s was the complete opposite. 

Beth was fast asleep, though, snoring her little snores in her crib with her butt in the air and Harry had settled himself on the plush couch with the throw pillow - that had  _ stains _ on it from what had to be various foods eaten in front of the television and not at the table - hugged to his chest. He tipped his head back until his neck rested almost fully on the fabric, shut his eyes and thought how much he could have fallen asleep there. On the couch of someone who was practically a stranger. 

It was warm, and cozy, and  _ comfortable _ and Harry hadn’t felt at peace in three years. 

The door opened, his eyes snapped open and blinked at the white ceiling and his heart sped up. Just a little. Because Harry wasn’t against admitting to himself - or Peter - that he was genuinely  _ attracted _ to Harley Keener and the idea of finally  _ meeting  _ him face to face had been keeping him up much longer than he wanted to say. “Hey!” Only  _ that _ was a girl. She stopped in the frame of the living room, waved her fingers and smiled wide enough that it pulled her cheeks to peaks. “Don’t shoot, I’m the aunt.” 

The Aunt. 

Right. 

Because Harley had a sister. Harry had seen her picture on the refrigerator just that night. And that  _ was _ her. Older and with longer hair but still her. He cleared his throat and stood up to offer her his hand. “Hi.” She grabbed it with her own after only a moment of pondering and dropped her purse on the coffee table without grace. 

“I was told to send my apologies, but Vic apparently got completely shit faced, fell  _ off _ the stage and the boys are on their way to bring him to the ER.” Her accent was supple and sweet - it sounded the way apple pie tasted - tart and sugary and perfectly toasted. 

Which meant that… “Oh! Okay.” Harry wasn’t a stranger to disappointment. He had dealt with it for a good portion of his life. He was even  _ more _ practiced in hiding it. “Is he okay?” 

“Eh,” She rolled her eyes and flopped down on the armchair opposite him. “He probably just sprained his ego. But he was complaining that his head hurt so…” She shrugged as though that explained it. 

“With head injuries it’s better to get them checked than let the brain swell without treatment.” Because Harry got it. Fully and completely. 

But honestly he was starting to think that maybe they weren’t ever meant to meet. He pushed his disappointment into a tiny box and wrapped it with a tight knot. “I’m Abbie, by the way.” 

“Harry.” 

Her eyes sparkled - they were the same color as Beth’s. “Oh, I know.” She propped her chin up on her fist and studied him with a piercing and accessing gaze. She was truly beautiful - looked like the perfect mix between her brother and niece. “Want to hear some embarrassing stories about my big brother?” 

  
  


**_Sister dearest_ **

**Abbie:** Vic owes you one so bad

**Harley:** god he does

**Abbie:** If  _ you _ don’t snatch him up I definitely will

**Abbie:** He’s  _ adorable _

**Abbie:** And  _ way _ out of your league

**Harley:** I am aware

**Harley:** was he upset?

**Abbie:** If he was he hid it well

**Abbie:** But seriously, bro

**Abbie:** _ Good job. _


	9. Chapter 9

**_Perpetual Annoyance _ **

**Harry:** humans are just like houseplants

**Peter:** it is four in the morning 

**Peter:** go to bed

**Harry:** boo

**Peter:** _ please _

**Peter:** for your sake and my sake

**Peter:** go tf to sleep

**Harry:** lame

**Peter:** good night, Harry

**Harry:** booooooo

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harley:** what if when the first person that ever said namaste was saying “my name is Este” but just had a bad accent

**Harry:** that would be fucked up

**Harley:** we’re all just forgetting their name

**Harry:** that woes of the world

**Harley:** you never disappoint me 

**Harry:** give it time

**Harley:** I can’t wait to prove that wrong

**Harley:** how have you beeeeeeeeeen

**Harley:** I haven’t talked to you in forever

**Harry:** it has been a hot minute

**Harley:** it’s been _ a week _ , Mister Osborn

**Harry:** disgusting

**Harry:** don’t call me that

**Harley:** _ Mister Osborn _

**Harry:** i’m not old enough for that yet, sir

**Harley:** gusgh

**Harley:** I am a year older than you

**Harley:** and I’ve done so much less in my life rip

**Harry:** privilege just gave me better opportunities

**Harley:** damn that privilege

**Harry:** gets you every time

**Harley:** sincerely

**Harley:** it’s 4am why are you up

**Harry:** why are  _ you _ up

**Harley:** my child woke me up

**Harry:** i haven’t slept yet

**Harley:** wtf  _ sleep _

**Harry:** can’t

**Harry:** like genuinely

**Harry:** i tried for like five hours and just gave up

**Harry:** i’m watching Criminal Minds reruns

**Harley:** not sci-fi? How rude of you

**Harry:** i do not have the mental capacity for sci-fi tonight

**Harley:** but you do for  _ murder _

**Harry:** yes murder lulls me to sleep

**Harley:** should I be worried

**Harry:** no because i’m absolutely lying

**Harry:** i’m not sleeping so it’s not lulling me into anything

**Harley:** what’s up, buttercup?

**Harry:** never again

**Harley:** _ yikes _ okay

**Harley:** what’s up,  _ Harry _ ?

**Harry:** better

**Harry:** nothing just a friendly bought of insomnia

**Harley:** does that mean that every time I’ve messaged you at ungodly hours you’ve already been up because of insomnia and  _ not _ work

**Harry:** only like 40% of the time

**Harley:** _ 40% of the time _

**Harley:** make some coffee 

**Harry:** i’d be way too hyped

**Harley:** you’re already not going to sleep

**Harry:** you want me running on caffeine, no sleep and going into work?

**Harley:** I never said go into work

**Harry:** well that’s just a given

**Harley:** it really shouldn’t be but it is

**Harry:** gotta make that money

**Harley:** I’m pretty sure you get money just from breathing

**Harry:** haaaaa

**Harry:** god you’re not wrong

**Harley:** question

**Harley:** why didn’t we talk for a week

**Harry:** uh

**Harry:** we were busy?

**Harley:** yeah but you see

**Harley:** you met my daughter

**Harley:** and my sister

**Harley:** and Tyler

**Harley:** and Idk I guess I sort of thought that meant we were going somewhere

**Harry:** we literally went nowhere

**Harry:** wait that sounded much more rude than i meant it to

**Harry:** two people can be busy

**Harley:** too busy to even answer a good morning text?

**Harry:** hi, i’m Harry Osborn and i don’t do communication well

**Harley:** okay?

**Harry:** what if this isn’t meant to be

**Harley:** what?

**Harry:** what if whatever this is... is supposed to stay whatever it is

**Harley:** what do you mean

**Harry:** i don’t believe in fate

**Harry:** or soulmates or any of that crap

**Harry:** i believe in  _ science _

**Harry:** and reasoning

**Harry:** and insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result

**Harry:** and this

**Harry:** Harley this is  _ insane _

**Harry:** we’ve tried to meet five times and the universe keeps stopping it

**Harry:** why do we keep trying

**Harley:** I’m not giving up on us

**Harley:** I’m not giving up on you

**Harley:** fuck the universe

**Harry:** you can’t force something like this into happening with pure willpower alone

**Harley:** watch me

**Harry:** Harley

**Harley:** Harry

**Harley:** I’ve wanted this since the first time I saw you

**Harley:** I’m not giving up just because of some cosmic joke

**Harry:** maybe you should

**Harley:** you don’t get to decide what or who I waste my energy on

**Harry:** theoretically we’re just wasting our time

**Harley:** you’re never a waste of time

**Harley:** am I?

**Harry:** no 

**Harry:** that’s not

**Harry:** that’s not what i meant

**Harley:** do you trust me?

**Harry:** i don’t trust anyone

**Harley:** but  _ do you _ trust  _ me _

**Harry:** yeah

**Harry:** i guess

**Harley:** then  _ trust me _

**Harley:** and  _ please _ don’t give up

**Harley:** not yet

**Harry:** then when

**Harley:** preferably never

**Harley:** but I’ll let you know

**Harry:** oh you’ll let me know?

**Harley:** I’ll let you know

**Harley:** have to have a little chat with the universe and science

**Harley:** tell it to go fuck itself

**Harry:** you’re so sure of this

**Harley:** I’m not letting you go

**Harley:** I’m horribly possessive

**Harley:** I’m like a bacteria

**Harley:** I just stick to you and  _ grow _

**Harry:** ha

**Harry:** you’re tall enough

**Harley:** you’re just short

**Harry:** excuse you

**Harley:** it’s 5am are you going to try to sleep anytime soon

**Harry:** no i gave up hours ago

**Harley:** I have to get ready for work

**Harley:** but you’re okay?

**Harley:** we’re good?

**Harley:** you’re not going to block my number or something?

**Harry:** no 

**Harry:** i need to hear how your chat with the universe and science goes

**Harley:** perfect

**Harry:** it is now seven in the morning and i regret today

**Harley:** just all of today

**Harley:** I regret taking a morning shift 

**Harry:** don’t you  _ only _ take morning shifts

**Harley:** I

**Harley:** you’re not  _ wrong _

**Harry:** i know i’m not

**Harry:** because you usually perform at night

**Harley:** don’t know me so well

**Harry:** i’m so sorry

**Harry:** _ who are you _

**Harley:** you’re not funny

**Harry:** i’m hilarious

**Harley:** how’s work?

**Harry:** terrible

**Harry:** i have a meeting in an hour and i have no idea why i set it

**Harley:** easy

**Harley:** cancel it

**Harry:** no we have a meeting every tuesday

**Harley:** well what do you usually talk about

**Harry:** projects, money, numbers

**Harry:** i’m so  _ tired _

**Harley:** holy late answer Batman

**Harley:** but just tell someone else to run it and call it a trial run

**Harley:** and I just looked at the time and realized this is coming halfway through your meeting

**Harley:** I hope bullshitting it has gone well

**Harry:** it has  _ not _ gone well

**Harry:** i got told my  _ investors _ that i needed to sleep

**Harry:** _investors_

**Harley:** is it mean if I find that funny

**Harry:** _ yes _

**Harley:** they’re not wrong though

**Harley:** you’re a bit… all over the place today

**Harry:** Betty took over the meeting

**Harley:** Betty?

**Harley:** a friend of yours?

**Harry:** and a research head

**Harry:** i owe her all the fruit baskets

**Harley:** what a way to say thank you

**Harley:** “you ran the meeting for me? Have a banana”

**Harry:** enjoy your potassium

**Harry:** omg

**Harry:** _ potassium opossum _

**Harley:** no offense babe

**Harley:** but  _ what the fuck _

**Harry:** _ i don’t know _

**Harley:** go to  _ sleep _

**Harry:** it’s too late 

**Harry:** i have consumed the caffeine

**Harley:** i thought that wasn’t a good idea

**Harry:** oh it’s not

**Harry:** i’m pretty sure i’m not supposed to have this much caffeine with my meds

**Harry:** and i will severely regret it in an hour or two

**Harley:** you’re a disaster

**Harry:** but at least i’m pretty

**Harley:** _ so  _ pretty

**Harry:** thank

**Harley:** lmao welcome

**_Peter Parker_ **

**Peter:** is my Harry sending you a bunch of nonsensical text messages

**Harley:** he’s making sense

**Harley:** and  _ your _ Harry?

**Peter:** yes i came first

**Peter:** he hasn’t slept in close to 48 hours 

**Harley:** _ 48 _

**Peter:** yeah

**Peter:** don’t worry i’m dragging him to mine to sleep

**Harley:** why yours and not his

**Peter:** because he won’t sleep if he’s at his

**Harley:** this was what caused you guys to fight last time

**Harley:** you know that right

**Peter:** i trust him to be on his own

**Peter:** i don’t trust him to sleep until he passes out because of exhaustion

**Peter:** plus my apartment is closer than his 

**Harley:** just be careful, Parker

**Harley:** don’t want to accidentally offend anyone

**Peter:** also

**Peter:** you’re good for him

**Harley:** am I?

**Peter:** honestly he hasn’t been this happy in years

**Peter:** so thank you

**Peter:** for making my best friend so happy

**_Harley Keener_ **

**Harry:** i fell asleep at work

**Harley:** omg

**Harley:** pardon my laughter

**Harry:** Pam betrayed me and called Peter

**Harley:** Pam’s your secretary yeah?

**Harley:** she was chill when I met her

**Harry:** yeah 

**Harry:** well now i’m at the Parker household so we’ll see how awkward this gets

**Harley:** lmao why would it be awkward

**Harry:** i might have fought with the future Mrs. Parker

**Harry:** and we haven’t talked since

**Harley:** that was about them not trusting you right

**Harry:** right

**Harley:** I’m sure it’ll be fine

**Harley:** everyone says things when they’re angry

**Harry:** you’re right

**Harry:** and i know this

**Harley:** just get some sleep

**Harley:** text me when you wake up

**Harry:** smh okay

  
  


**_Groupies_ **

**Mikey:** boyz

**Vic:** you always starts texts like that when we have a show

**Mikey:** we have a show

**Harley:** this weekend?

**Mikey:** yeah 

**Harley:** is Ma free to watch Beth?

**Mikey:** so your boy can come?

**Tyler:** I love him marry him

**Harley:** I’m working on a  _ first date _

**Harley:** fate hasn’t been very kind so far

**Harley:** don’t you  _ dare _ get shitfaced this time Vic

**Vic:** scouts honor

**Mikey:** you were never a scout

**Vic:** drummer’s honor

**Tyler:** that means nothing

**Mikey:** I told Ma it’s a matter of you finding the love of your life 

**Mikey:** and she said yes as long as I film it

**Harley:** deal

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

The bar was noisy and, if Harry were to be completely honest, he wasn’t even sure  _ how _ Liz and Peter managed to drag him into it. It was loud, sticky, and busy - three things Harry adamantly was not a fan of. He had been jostled around more than once in the short period of time they had been in attendance and he had been offered a drink at the least three times. He stumbled his way back to their table with whatever grace he could manage, bemoaned the stain that would forever be stuck to his one pair of jeans, and all but shoved Peter farther into their booth in order to protect himself from the masses. His friend’s arm was slung around the back of the seat where MJ sat, his hand dangling over her shoulder and he nursed a cup of soda in solidarity with Harry’s decision to  _ not _ get drunk. Or even drink casually. Or even  _ touch _ alcohol again. 

So dragging him to the bar was a terrible plan, in Harry’s opinion. It wasn’t Harry or Peter’s idea of a  _ good time _ . It was so far away from what Harry did  _ now _ to pastime and so much closer to unstable party boy college kid Harry that he felt both comfortable and like a fish out of water. Liz, though, Liz  _ loved _ it. Liz was the life of the party no matter where she was - she loved to dance and she loved attention. She always had. In fact, it was at a frat party that Harry had  _ met _ Liz. It was because of her he had signed up for dance classes. “Come  _ on _ ,” Liz groaned from across from him, kicked at his shin with the pointy end of her shoes and did a wonderful impersonation of her four year old son. “I want to  _ dance _ and you’re all just  _ sitting _ here.” 

“Go dance.” MJ said dryly and stole a sip of Peter’s drink. “No one’s stopping you.” 

Liz pouted and it was a very pretty pout. Liz always looked pretty. “Harry you used to be so much more  _ fun _ at bars.” Liz was also two drinks in and on her way to spectacularly drunk. She didn’t go out much after having Stanley and her tolerance had gone way down. 

He raised an eyebrow, Peter coughed into his shoulder, and MJ tensed. “I’m not  _ nineteen _ anymore.” 

“No,” Liz kicked him again, harder that time. “You’re an old man in a twenty-five year old’s body.” 

“He is.” Peter agreed and MJ glanced at Harry over the rim of her drink with a tight smile. 

They hadn’t talked after what had happened in the groupchat a week ago. Peter told him to give it time, that MJ wasn’t used to giving apologies or overstepping and that she  _ was _ sorry she just didn’t know how to say it. And, for his part, Harry was sorry too. He shouldn’t have snapped, or at the least he should have kept things more civil than he had. But he had been tired, and sick, and gifted with his father’s infamous temper. And his therapist told him that it was a good thing to tell people when they had crossed a line so he tried not to let himself feel too bad about it. “There are too many people here.” Harry admitted, huddled farther into the vinyl seating and picked at the label on his water bottle. 

“I’d dance with you Liz, but I’m pretty sure I’d need an ambulance out.” Peter said after a moment of deliberation and fixed the glasses balanced on his nose with a helpless shrug. 

“I’m going to go dance with a random guy.” Liz proclaimed after a second of silence and Harry groaned. She was a cruel, cruel woman and she  _ knew _ Harry wasn’t about to let her dance with anyone that could potentially harm her. 

“I  _ hate _ you.” He told her dryly and she grinned, triumphant and bright. 

“Yay!” She wagged her fingers at him, stood up on wobbly healed feet and yanked him bodily out of the seat. 

MJ’s hand closed on his wrist. “Hey,” She said over the music, brown eyes bright in the dim lighting. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can just go with her.” 

He shrugged, smiled just a bit and let her hand gently fall back to Peter’s thigh. “ _ One _ dance,” he insisted to Liz when he knew it was a lie. She would drag him into many,  _ many _ more. Liz pulled him into the center of the floor, a good foot or two from the empty stage and bounced to the loud music with no care or rhythm for the world around them. She threw an arm around his neck and swayed her hips and he kept an arm firm around her waist so she didn’t fall whenever she misstepped. It wasn’t exactly fun but it wasn’t exactly the opposite - Liz had the sort of careless energy that seeped into anyone it touched. She laughed and smiled and yelled along to the words and Harry could feel his own smile - stretched wide across his cheeks and there was no choreography to their movements but they were having fun.  _ He _ was having fun. 

And then the music cut and the entire crowd let out a collective groan that had whoever cut the music laughing into the microphone. His voice barled over the speaker - the bartender, a dark haired man with almond eyes. “Give us five minutes and our live act will be out. I promise you, guys, they’re going to be the next big thing. Once… they nail down their band name. But for now, in five minutes we’ll be listening to musical stylings of The  _ Groupies _ !” 

That was a  _ terrible _ band name if Harry had ever had one but everyone else seemed excited - Liz the most. She grabbed his shoulders, yelled in his face, and pulled him exuberantly back to their table. “Did you set this up?” She eagerly yelled at Peter when they stopped in front of them. 

Peter blinked at her show of energy. “Is she going to crash soon?” 

Harry shrugged. 

“ _ Did _ you?” She asked insistently. MJ laughed, wrapped an arm around Liz’s trim waist and pulled her away from Harry’s side. 

“Let’s get some water, hon.” MJ brushed the hair from her face and Liz went willingly, turning her line of question  _ instead _ to the other woman. Harry, for his part, watched them leave with much less staring than was on Peter’s part, wiped his hands on his jeans and leaned in close to inform Peter of where he was about to disappear to. 

“I just need some air.” He pointed towards the door with his thumb. 

“No!” Peter’s eyes were wide as saucers behind his lenses, and he grabbed onto Harry’s forearm with both of his hands. With a surprising show of strength he tugged him down so that their faces were inches apart and, if it were anyone else, Harry would have thought Peter was about to kiss him. “Just… wait until they start?” 

“Peter,” Harry rolled his eyes. “It’ll just be for like ten minutes.” 

“No, you’re going to go outside, realize how much you  _ dislike _ being in a bar now that you’re an old man and  _ leave _ .” 

“Pete,” He groaned and tugged at his arm but Peter held steadfast. “I just need a second to catch my breath,  _ please _ .” 

“I’ll come with you!” 

“It would probably do your asthma some good.” Because Peter had been coughing into his shoulder all night and hoping no one would notice and MJ had discreetly packed both of his inhalers just in case. 

“Great! So when the girls get back.” He waved sheepishly to MJ’s jacket and Liz’s bag. “I was designated the watcher of accessories.” 

“Well you’re doing such a spectacular job of it.” 

Peter smiled brightly. “Thank you.” The microphone squealed and Harry swore every single patron of the bar winced. If it was possible, Peter’s smile brightened even more and he pulled Harry down closer. “Sit down and watch the show.” 

“Watch  _ what _ show?” He sat down, though. Because Harry trusted Peter much farther than he could throw him no matter what he said. He watched his friend and his friend watched the stage with lips pressed into a thin line to avoid a smile and Harry was genuinely confused because he  _ knew _ Peter and he  _ knew _ Peter’s expressions and that was one that clearly resembled that cat getting the canary. 

“Y’all would think,” Peter pressed a hand into his cheek and  _ pushed _ his face forward. “That after like a hundred shows he’d learn how to set up a microphone correctly.” The crowd laughed, a riff started soft and steadily growing louder, and the singer, a tall, slim and dark skinned man scoffed into his own microphone. 

“ _ You _ could set them up.” 

“I  _ did _ .” The crowd laughed again. 

And Harry… couldn’t breathe. Peter’s eyes were on his face now, no longer on the stage and dark blue eyes like the ones in pictures in a hallway - with a twinge of green to match his daughter’s and sister’s - swept across the gathered crowd like they were looking for someone. Peter nudged his shoulder and laughed. MJ and Liz arrived back and it was too much and not enough at the same time. He wasn’t panicking, he wasn’t spiralling, but the room was simultaneously too loud and too quiet. Liz’s shoe kicked into his shin hard. “Are you freaking out right now?” She said it a bit too loud and his eyes snapped right to their table - hidden in the back and somehow it felt like the single most profound moment of Harry’s short life. 

“He’s freaking out.” Peter reassured and when Harley smiled it was like the sun. 

“ _ Target acquired _ .” And  _ god _ that was Tyler - Harley’s  _ friend _ that Harry had met only a week before- on the drums with a robotic and teasing voice into his own microphone. “Someone get this on camera.” 

“ _ Ooooh _ ,” said the shorter, dark haired man on the keyboard obnoxiously. “Go get your boy before the show starts, man!” 

Harley moved in quick, choppy movements - slung his guitar out from over his shoulder and all but shoved it at his closest band mate. The crowd parted when he hopped off the stage and Harry’s heart pounded wildly in his chest. “Shit.” He whispered and Peter threw his head back in laughter. 

“Up, up, up!” Liz stood herself, pulled him by clammy fingers and in an effort to fix his hair managed to make it messier. She smiled brightly and squeezed him around the shoulders. “Get your Prince Charming, baby.” 

“You’re  _ so _ drunk.” 

She nodded solemnly. 

“Whoever gets the best angle on this gets a plate of my Ma’s cookies.” Said the one Harley had shoved his guitar at, serious and smiling the way Peter was - like they had set this up completely without either of their knowledge and regretted nothing. 

And, just like that, they were face to face. In a bar with too many people watching and filming (and Harry really hoped none of them recognized him and were too drunk to think of uploading the videos) and he couldn’t find the part of him that  _ cared _ . It was something out of a cheesy romance movie but  _ god _ Harley was so much  _ more _ in person. He was taller than Harry, for one - towered over him by an inch or two. He had longer hair than Harry thought, pulled into a tight bun on the back of his head. He was in a plain dark blue shirt with what looked like a milk stain on the bottom left corner and when he smiled his eyes had little wrinkles in the corners. He stopped only when their chests bumped. “This is meant to happen.” He said the words low enough that only Harry could hear, framed his face with big, warm and calloused hands and kissed him as though Harry was the only source of air allowed to him. 

The crowd went wild. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end 😊

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make me write faster. Daily weekday updates until finished! 😊


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